I said what what, in the butt!

Spin on five years for me, would ya?

The 'fast-forward' button is a handy little device, isn't it? Being able to skip past everything you don't want to see in a matter of seconds, doing away with that which is infinitely less interesting. As the makers of One Tree Hill discovered a year or so ago, in television land, it's an even greater joy. Imagine being able to cut out all the pesky voyages of self-discovery and inconvenient re-locating that comes of university life, and just getting to the part where everyone's 'all growed up'... or cutting straight from the birth of little baby Benjamin right to the part where he's fifteen and it all gets really interesting. Not only would such a process help gloss over some unfortunate clashes with realism, it would also provide cast and crew alike a chance to considerably reinvent their characters; to introduce fresh, original storylines using tropes that simply wouldn't have been possible using standard chronology. Whether it was OTH's shocker of a leap that inspired him or not, Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry is quite clearly aware of this: as we all discovered with a large, collective jaw-drop at the end of the last series, Wysteria Lane has gotten another five years older overnight and the cosily familiar suburb has been shook up in every which way possible. Which, quite obviously, is a good thing. Right?

Well... kinda. Season five's Cherry-penned premiere is certainly different. Virtually every actor gets the opportunity to play beats that they never have before, and this can only be worthy of a great, whopping thumbs-up. Taking centre stage in this 'revision of the roles' is Gabrielle Solis, whose transformation from gorgeous ex-glamour model to frumpy, unadorned hausfrau is probably one of the best things the production crew have ever done. Granted, Eva Longoria is still ridiculously beautiful, but the change is certainly dramatic. No more fake tan; no more make-up; no more perfectly straightened hair. In their place, a smidgeon of chub, worn down cheekbones and a half-heartedly combed bonnet. Oh and a superbly worn down, stressed out, tired performance from Longoria herself. Her storyline may not be the most riveting in the episode - trying to combat her daughter's weight problem didn't result in as great a level of hilarity as one might have hoped - but its the subtlety of her portrayal that gives the whole thing its power, the effortless believability she imbues her intimate, 'opening up' scenes with Carlos with that make it the episode's true highlight.

Lynette and Tom's narrative is also quietly played, as Doug Savant gets the opportunity to demonstrate just how perfectly he can depict the plight of the middle aged, mid-life-crisis-addled man. It's all there: in the meticulous polishing of his (decidedly dodgy) convertible, the cringe-worthy desperation to be as cool as his troublemaking teenage twins, and the robust manner in which he lambastes his wayward sons for their misbehaviour (a wonderfully written sequence, it should be noted). Again, the plot certainly doesn't set the world on fire, or even the Scavo chip pan, but it's satisfactorily played, the beats that are presented bode well for the family's possible future stories and, above all else, we're rid of the twins that can't act. Which can only be a good thing. The remainder of the narratives, however, seem to be lacking something. Bree's transformation into Martha Stewart grates somewhat; though it is perfectly in keeping with her character to throw herself back into those things that she does best and treasures the most (cooking/cleaning etc.) when faced with disaster, callously doing best friend Katherine a great disservice by failing to credit her for the things that she is quite clearly responsible for just seems unnecessarily mean. Granted, Bree wasn't exactly the poster child for likeable when we were first introduced to her (she has mellowed over the seasons) and I'm sure Marc Cherry would highlight the fact that she has suffered several great losses - Orson being imprisoned for a while, Danielle stealing her baby back - and so this mild 'regression' is perfectly logical but, I dunno, I just didn't like it. Selfishness is not something I would readily associate with Mrs Hodge, but she has it in spades here. Perhaps something will come of this apparent characterial change and we'll see it service the plot somehow. As it stands, it just didn't sit well with me... and the sequence in which Katherine embarrasses Bree in front of the cameras was about as unpredictable as the sun rising and setting.

As for our other two housewives, there was something slightly lacking here too. Edie's much-heralded return, while welcome and containing some nice moments (particularly her hosing down of the car, a nice nod back to season one), was too tied up in the manufacturing of a potential season-long 'mystery' to really stand out on its own... which would not necessarily be a negative point, if it weren't for the fact that the jury is very much out on our oddball new guy, Dave. First and foremost, it was obvious from the moment he set foot in that house that he was harbouring some psychological 'issues', and the big 'reveal' at episode's end fell somewhat flat as a result. Secondly, haven't we all had just about enough of the 'crazies coming to infiltrate our town' motifs that Cherry keeps throwing at us? The Applewhites, the Hodges, hell even the Mayfairs to some extent... they all contain some rather disturbed folk, a few of whom transpire not to be quite as off their trolley as they might have originally appeared, who end up causing all manner of problems for our housewives. Dave appears to be only mildly different; the minutiae have changed, but the song remains the same. Each season's 'mystery' does not necessarily have to be the uncovering of a psychologically damaged individual's past or true self... I'm sure, with a little creative thought, something a little juicier could be concocted (hell, they did it rather well in season one... although you would certainly have grounds for describing Paul Young as 'unhinged'). And the same goes for poor, lonely Susan. Of course they didn't write James Denton out of the show. Of course Mike isn't gone for good, or dead as the teaser seemed to so deliciously indicate. This was also unfortunately telegraphed: every time the topic was broached, Susan would move on and then, when she finally faced her lover to confront him, we cut away to another scene. If that's not telling your viewers that there's more to this narrative than you're letting on, I don't know what is. Personally, I'd sooner Delfino was out of the picture; the constant to-ing and fro-ing between he and Susan is just plain tired. 'Will they?/Won't they?/Do they?/Don't they?'... does anyone really, sincerely care any more? Either keep them together (a la Monica and Chandler... SEE, IT CAN BE DONE) or keep them apart. NO. MORE. BLOODY. ANGSTING. Except when it's Teri Hatcher crying over the people she 'killed'; that, I can live with. That, ladies and gentlemen, is fresh and interesting.

The problem, I feel, with 'You're Gonna Love Tomorrow' is that it promises so much, but doesn't deliver a great deal. While it is arguably the function of a premiere to comfortably set up the storylines for the year, it should also absorb you into them, give the audience enough meat to chew on in order to become accustomed to the season's 'taste' and to enjoy it. Cherry's episode starts to do this in some areas, but falls rather short in others. There's just not quite enough; the changes that have been made seem very encouraging, interesting and fresh, and the show appears revitalised as a result, but the actual substance of the narrative, in many cases, is wafer thin. There is great potential demonstrated, but not enough of it actualised. And there's not anywhere near enough Andrew Van Der Kamp for my liking. Let's hope they pick up the pace in the weeks to come.

501: 'You're Gonna Love Tomorrow': 6.6
Wr: Marc Cherry; Dr: Larry Shaw

That's ignorant.

Today's classic clip from the greatest comedy of all time...

Save ourselves, save the world.

WARNING: The following post contains spoilers regarding year three of Heroes. Well, it does for those who watch it on the UK schedule anyway. If you haven't seen both the first AND second episodes of the new season, DO NOT CONTINUE. It'll only end in tears.

Heroes fans are a notoriously difficult bunch. At the end of season one, they were unhappy with the show's 'anti-climactic', 'too character driven' finale (despite the programme being character driven from day one); during season two, they bemoaned its 'overly complex narratives', believing there was simply too much going on and that, well, it was all a load of boring twaddle, and now, in the aftermath of a frankly top-notch season premiere, in which old mysteries are resolved, new character arcs delineated, fresh, exhilarating plot elements introduced and action given absolute centre stage, they're still not happy. "We don't like where the show's going!", they moan; "we want more powers on display!" they nag; "it's all too sudden!" they shout, hypocritically, at the tops of their lungs. People, you can't have it both ways. You can't whine about there not being enough action and then, when Tim Kring suckerpunches you all with a hefty slam on the accelerator, complain that you're getting too much. Especially when, let's face it, you can never have too much of what Heroes has to offer. I don't know... there's just no pleasing some people.

Fortunately for Kring and his cohorts, I was rather pleased with 'The Second Coming' and 'The Butterfly Effect'. In fact, I was positively bowled over by them. The third season premiere has given the show a good kick in the pants and brought the franchise back to life with an almighty, sinister bang. So, we're into 'volume three' now, the promisingly titled Villains and we can dispense with the pains of self-discovery that typified the first season, as well as the struggles to 'reconnect' with the real world that characterised the second... now, folks, we can get down to business. No dicking around here. First curveball to the gut: future Peter shoots his brother. Well, I sure as hell didn't see that one coming. It's a nice twist though, and the decision to keep this hardened future version of young Petrelli as the main 'version' is an inspired one (at least we don't have to suffer any more 'little boy lost in a sea of his own abilities' acting from Ventimiglia for a while). It's also nice to see a nod back to the first season in the reappearance of his scar - one wonders how he still gets it in the new timeline - and also grants the opportunity for Angela's power to finally be revealed which, it must be said, ties in rather nicely, and makes for one deliciously disturbing sequence in which the collective 'villains' (anyone spot David Anders' 'blink and you'll miss him' cameo? Oh, and Parkman's dad? Oh, oh, and significantly, Niki/Tracy... now there's an interesting development!) murder the collective 'heroes'. Delightful. It's great to see Christine Rose getting such a significant chunk of the action: she's effortlessly serpentine, pitching each of her callous confrontational moments with pinpoint, spine-chilling malice. And of course, now that she's head of the Company, there can only be more of the same to come...

On the subject of the Company, 'The Butterfly Effect' gives us the crux of the current volume's emphasis as the bad-boy superpowers manage to escape from 'floor 5' with a little help from a newly revitalised Sylar and a now fatherless Elle (as far as I'm concerned, Bob's death couldn't have been more welcome... I was never particularly convinced by Stephen Tobolowsky's portrayal). The new evil quartet seem like a friendly bunch, flamethrowing members of the public to death for their own general amusement, and placing a contempo Peter amongst them is a stroke of genius... I can't wait to see what the guy whose body he's currently occupying's 'power' is (something to do with 'sound manipulation', apparently). Elsewhere, we have an intriguing new strand for Parkman as he appears to be about to embark on a voyage of discovery with the new Isaac Mendez, new character Daphne whose super-speed ability is one of the coolest things on the show (how awesome, by the way, is the production staff's decision to have her subtly 'twitch' when she stands still, like she's uncomfortable living life at its expected pace?), a fantastically puzzling plot for Niki... sorry, Tracy Strauss, whose new personality's quite literal 'ice Queen' nature is, in a word, awesome... and she gets to work with JOHN SHERIDAN which is cumtastic enough in itself, the re-introduction of the sublime Malcolm MacDowell who steals every scene he's in and more than a few that he's not, a fresh twist on Hiro and Ando's relationship with another superb flashforward sequence, and last but by no means least, a show-stealing sequence in 'The Second Coming' between Sylar and Claire that is marvellously choreographed, keeping the suspense and horror just the right side of irresistibly squeamish. It's wonderfully eerie stuff, all slow, creeping camera movements, dimly lit mise en scenes and dissonant musical underscores, beautifully woven into the narrative tapestry to manufacture a powerful sense of unease. Zachary Quinto hasn't been this good since he put pay to his poor mother late in season one, and Hayden Panettiere certainly manages to keep up the pace. The moment in which Sylar returns Claire's head to her body and comments on her 'special' nature gave me chills; truly fantastic stuff.

The only complaints to make are minor ones: having never been a huge fan of Mohinder's story, I can't say I was too excited by his sudden transformation into energetic superstud (how signposted was his sexy time with Maya?!) but, admittedly, this is all part of the over-arching mythology and, at least, is involved in moving the plot forward. What's the betting that the formula that Hiro and Ando must retrieve is related to Suresh's laboratory fumblings? Speaking of our favourite Japanese double act, their introductory sequence is a little clumsy; while it's nice to see George Takei again, bringing in a DVD just as Hiro is rabbiting on about 'destiny knocking on his door'? That's just the wrong side of corny. Oh, and speaking of corny, how ludicrously hokum was Nathan's sudden 'divine intervention'? The sequence in the church was embarrassing to say the least - no amount of attempts from an actor of even Adrian Pasdar's calibre could ever hope to convincingly portray lines as clunky as those. Thankfully, this only lasted a couple of minutes and any further reference to Nathan's new found enlightenment has been kept to a pleasing minimum. With the continued appearance of Linderman, it looks like this narrative will, hopefully, develop in another, less troublesome, direction in the not too distant future.

In all, Heroes' first instalments of season three are a great improvement on a weaker second year, and certainly kept me on the edge of my seat for ninety thrillingly jam-packed minutes. The haters really just don't know what they're talking about - Villains is currently bursting at the seams with potential... let's just hope Tim Kring and co. can keep up the good work.

Other points worth noting:
* What is the significance of "Ned's (?) here" as spoken by future Claire before she's about to pop off future Peter?
* Nice to see Claire's fire-toting mom again...
* While HRG didn't get much to do, just seeing him on screen again is enough to keep me satisfied. Oh, and hearing Sylar so contemptuously call him "Noah".
* The camcorder-filmed ambush of the Company agents by Sylar was hilarious and inspired.
* Was I the only one willing the train to mow Claire down? I love her character to bits and all but I would've quite enjoyed seeing the messy aftermath of that one.
* Angela is Sylar's mom? REALLY??!! Holy smokes.

301: 'The Second Coming': 9.3
Wr: Tim Kring; Dr: Allan Arkush
302: 'The Butterfly Effect': 9.3
Wr: Tim Kring; Dr: Greg Beeman

Today's clip of comedic genius...

'Kyle: Jew'. :D

Break out, stay out, break out, break in.

Some television shows push the boundaries. Some allegorise the human condition. Some exercise the viewer’s mind and some… are so dosh garn well made that we can’t help but watch in awe at the sheer magnitude of talent on display. Prison Break, however, is none of these things. Well, maybe you could make a case for the latter but still… it’s certainly not the most complex, demanding or iconic of programmes. It’s escapist fantasy dressed in the narratalogical wardrobe of ‘suspense drama’. There have been more backtracks, contrivances and deux et machinas in the last three seasons of this show than you can shake several proverbial big fuck-off sticks at and, therefore, it should come as no surprise to anyone that it’s much-heralded fourth season premiere is peppered generously with more of the same. But that’s okay. Really, it is. We don’t need Prison Break to be sophisticated entertainment. It doesn’t have to speak to us, make us think or force us to re-evaluate our entire, pesky little existences. Escapism is an entirely valid form of artistic appreciation. It fulfils a need: the perfectly ordinary human desire to slouch back in a comfy chair at the end of a hard day’s slog, remote in hand, in front of something that requires the absolute minimum of thought. Something that we can quite comfortably let wash over us without ever requiring the use of the ‘pause’ and ‘rewind’ functions. That’s not to say, of course, that there aren’t elements of the show that do stimulate debate, particularly as regards the planting of cryptic hints towards future plot developments, but, you know, it’s hardly Lost, is it? All we really need Prison Break to do is keep us creeping towards the edge of our seats for the duration of its 45 minutes, to make sure that there’s sufficient tension and suspense for us not to get so lethargic that we either fall asleep or flick nonchalantly over to the next channel. Where Grand Designs is probably on. And we definitely wouldn’t want that.

Season four, for the most part, has successfully fulfilled this requirement. The show’s premise has been given the old reboot and now each episode takes the pleasantly simplistic formula of ‘find card, get card, fly’. Sorry, couldn’t resist. The formula’s actually ‘find card, get card, copy card, have poignant moment with Sarah Tancredi while female falsetto plays irritatingly in background’. It’s perfectly innocuous and does make for some nicely structured, distinctly suspenseful entertainment. The writers have kept the methods used to acquire the pieces of Scylla nicely varied, helpfully disguising the repetitive nature of the plot structure. There’s also enough peripheral intrigue to whet our collective appetites, as T-Bag tries to figure out Whistler’s bird book, while dressed in a rather snazzy suit, sitting in a rather snazzy office inside faceless corporation GATE’s rather snazzy gigantic building. Saying rather snazzy ‘pretty’s, one would imagine. Oh, and that’s after he’s cannibalised a Mexican, by the way. As you do. We also have the rather sinister General and his various impenetrable utterances about THINGS GOIN DAWN IN LAOS, Michael and his all-important nosebleeds (which I’m sure we’re all supposed to think is indicative of some sort of cancer/serious brain injury, but will actually turn out to be something far less serious), Lincoln being a meathead, Bellick being useless, Sucre being pointless, THE BLACK ASSSASSIN being the coolest villain since Dina Araz (how deliciously evil was the psychedelic sequence with Bruce?) and Mahone being the best damn tortured soul this show has ever seen. Credit to William Fichtner for pulling off incredibly multi-layered performances every single week. The sequences in episode three in which he receives the photographs of his dead child are chillingly believable, and last week’s reunion with his wife was superbly pitched, absolutely spot on. Let’s just hope the writers don’t drop the ball with his storyline and have Josh actually be alive. I don’t think I could cope with another 50 tonne slab of revisionism…

…not this soon after Sarah, at any rate. Ah dear. I appreciate that this is entirely out of the hands of the production staff, that Sarah Wayne Callies was asked to be in season three and resolutely declined, but if there was ever any chance that she may desire to return, surely you wouldn’t chop off her head and leave her for dead? Bad move, guys. You pissed off a good 70% of your viewers last year with this decision and now, the vast majority of them and the 30% who didn’t really care before, are pissed off with the whole ‘oh, that was just a head in a box Michael… really, she escaped and we were just pretending’ debacle. I suppose there’s nothing we can do about this; there really was no better way of re-introducing the character into the inner workings of the plot and, at the end of the day, the programme is better with Tancredi in it. No denying. She and Michael do have wonderfully understated (well, when the actors play it) chemistry. I’m willing to accept it and move on… provided the sound department cut down on the use of the ‘wailing female falsetto’ that underscores EVERY SINGLE ONE OF SARAH’S DOWNBEAT SCENES. She goes to a bar, it wails. She sits on the dock, it wails. She takes a shit, it wails. Enough already! She’s a tortured soul… we get it. Don’t beat us around the head with the point… we’ll only resent you for it. Oh, and while we’re still vaguely on the subject of revisionism, before I forget, SONA burned down and everyone escaped? Come on… surely you could do better than that? Surely? Guys?

The inclusion of these particularly difficult to swallow plot points marred the premiere a little, in my opinion. There was a lot of good in there though: the introduction of the Don Self character, Gretchen’s (almost) death, Whistler’s actual death, LJ’s re-appearance… oh yes, there’s another Hollywood star I have a hopeless crush on, Mr. Marshall Allman:

Oh and, erm...


Yes. Ahem. Where was I? Oh yes. The premiere. While it did feel incredibly telegraphed, moving all the characters to LA in order to orchestrate the current state of play, and read as the positioning of narrative pieces rather than the believable development of plot and character, it was responsible for the set-up of an ultimately quite fulfilling new formula and, as such, deserves its dues. The show feels fresh, it’s moving at a nice pace and the characters, for the most part, are interesting. I do question where they’ll go, if anywhere, after this season: we’ve had breaking out of prison, staying out of prison, breaking out of another prison and now breaking in. What’s left? Hopefully, this will be Prison Break’s swansong and the show will be able to ride off into the sunset on a high. Let’s just forget that there’s Cherry Hill to come yet, shall we?

401: ‘Scylla’: 7.4
Wr: Matt Olmstead; Dr: Kevin Hooks

402: ‘Breaking and Entering’: 8.1
Wr: Zack Estrin; Dr: Bobby Roth

403: ‘Shut Down’: 8.8
Wr: Nick Santora; Dr: Milan Cheylov

404: ‘Eagles and Angels’: 8.6
Wr: Karyn Usher; Dr: Michael Switzer

405: ‘Safe and Sound’: 8.7
Wr: Seth Hoffman; Dr: Karen Gaviola

Shameless perversion.

I have a confession to make. Despite the fact that I have a soft spot in my heart for the Terminator franchise, my appreciation of its dramatic worth has absolutely sweet FA to do with my decision to watch the TV spin-off. The fact that movies one and two are examples of science-fiction cinema at its absolute finest is completely incidental. I watch The Sarah Connor Chronicles for Thomas Dekker. And I’m not afraid to admit it.

Yes, I am a twenty five year old – male – teenybopper. Ever since he was running around Odessa filming indestructible cheerleaders and being hopelessly picked on by his peers in Heroes (oh wait, sorry, that was his character), I’ve harboured a silly celebrity crush on the guy… which, obviously, was what led me to sit in front of my computer screen every Tuesday for 45 minutes during nine weeks earlier this year, slavering at the mouth. Okay okay, maybe I wasn’t that bad. But I was certainly close. And then, three weeks ago, it all changed. I was looking forward to spending another few months watching Dekker run around as a teenage John Connor, getting into sticky situations (oh what a pun) and just generally being hot. And, for the first forty minutes, that was exactly what I got… and a shirtless scene, to boot:

I was in heaven. And then this happened:

Disaster. Worst plot development in the 2008-09 season, easy. You just don’t cut Thomas Dekker’s hair. Don’t you all know it’s like, the 147^th Commandment? With a simple brandishing of the razor, Dekker’s attractiveness has dropped. Oh sure, I'd still jump at the chance to do ungodly things to him if the opportunity ever arose, but, I dunno… a little piece of me died when the floppy fringe fell to the floor. Perhaps it’s the ‘I’m a tough man now’ connotations that seem to come hand-in-hand with this sort of thing that don’t sit too well with me (anyone remember Bauer’s remarkable transformation from dishevelled embarrassment to UNSTOPPABLE MACHINE at the end of 24's first episode of season two?) Cutting your hair does not change your personality, American television writers. Honest.

And yes, I do realise how incredibly shallow all of this is. I should really be talking about how the programme has seen a marked improvement on its debut season with its first episodes of year two, particularly in the well-paced action extravaganza of an opener ‘Samson and Delilah’ (very nice to see Summer Glau go postal and get some actual character development, to boot), the first ten minutes of which is certainly the best thing the writers have ever done. I should be intricately discussing the finer points of the mythology, the carefully constructed narratology, the admirable performances from all involved, particularly, it must be said, Dekker himself who has been hitting home run after home run, straight out of the park (and I’m not just saying that because I’d love to get in his pants). I should probably be rabbiting on about the surprising choice of Garbage’s Shirley Manson as the T1000 too. But I just can’t bring myself to do it. I’m too traumatised. Oh floppy fringe, we barely knew ye.

201: ‘Samson and Delilah’: 9.0
Wr: Josh Friedman; Dr: David Nutter

202: ‘Automatic for the People’: 8.2
Wr: Natalie Chaidez; Dr: Jeffrey G. Hunt

203: ‘The Mousetrap’: 8.5
Wr: John Wirth; Dr: Bryan Spicer

Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Genii.

Since the world's greatest comedy returns to television screens in less than two weeks, I thought I'd do the only honourable thing and post a classic clip from the show every day. Today, a series of segments I suspect I'll cry tears of laughter at until the day I die. Enjoy.

Looking for The Pattern in all the wrong places...

So... Fringe. J.J. Abrams is at it again. Not satisfied with thrilling espionage junkies with the decidedly underrated Alias and dementing half of the world's population with the indecipherable-yet-indispensable Lost, now he's gone all X-Files on our asses. Except, in the show's self-imposed parameters, he hasn't. This is a programme about the possible, people. We're talking FRINGE science ladies and gentlemen... and in case you didn't get that, that's science that we're on the cusp of, that's within our grasp, that we could see being an actual possibility meagre years into the future. Like, maybe a gigantic black hole machine that re-creates the Big Bang?

(Sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Okay, so, given that the executive producers of this rather slickly produced, wonderfully directed and, to be fair, quite strongly scripted new series want us all to invest in the show’s science, to acknowledge that it is all perfectly plausible, you’d think they’d tone down the completely fantastical (and frankly, technobabble laden) explanations and resolutions that seem to run rampant through each of the show’s first three episodes. First, we get our central character (superbly cast and pleasingly three-dimensional, it must be noted) suspended in a vat of liquid with some electrical device plonked on her head (while in an LSD-induced state), ‘entering’ her comatose boyfriend’s dreams to communicate with him. Riiiight. Next, it’s experiments to create clone soldiers resulting in a woman suddenly appearing pregnant and giving birth within about ten minutes, to a child that ages to around seventy-five years within the space of half an hour and then dies. Uh huuuuuh (oh yes, there’s also the ‘reading the last image a person ever saw from their retina using a projector’ bit in the same episode, but let’s forget about that for now). Finally, we have this week’s gem, a man who is ‘picking up’ radio transmissions on a top-secret bandwidth and having them translated into images in his mind. Our good kooky doctor manages to convert these to sound by, um, plonking some sort of electrical device on the guy’s head (hmm… haven’t seen that one before) and, viola, he’s speaking the words that are being transmitted over the ‘ghost radio’. Well, of course. I can see the boffins at Newcastle University doing just that next week.

I am, of course, being deliberately pedantic here. I must say, I am quite impressed with the show. Granted, it is a little formulaic; something unusual happens, the ‘fringe’ group enter the fray, Walter Bishop (ably played by the brilliant John Noble) remembers that he posited (the show’s favourite word) something similar years ago and that what is happening now is a direct result of what he did then, he comes up with some implausible method of acquiring a vital clue, vital clue is acquired, case is (relatively) solved. Add a dash of angst over the lead’s double-crossing deceased boyfriend (a nice twist in the pilot, by the way), sprinkle a liberal dose of indecipherable Massive Dynamic conspiracy (looking like a strong on-running story arc, a ‘mythology’ of sorts that we’re, pleasingly, only being treated to snippets of for the time being to amplify the intrigue) and stir with Joshua Jackson’s wooden spoon. Hey presto, an episode. But that’s being rather unfair. It’s a perfectly acceptable, and rather fulfilling, blueprint and it’s all done with such finesse that you’ll find you can’t help but return the following week. It has yet to amaze me, merely please, but I have every faith that it will sooner rather than later. It’s picking up pace; all Fringe needs to do now is hit the ground running. And just acknowledge that they’re dealing in the paranormal – then, a little paradoxically, we’d all have less trouble believing.

Oh yeah, Darin Morgan’s on the production staff too. That can only be a good thing.

101: ‘Pilot’ – 8.6
(Wr: J.J. Abrams, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman; Dr: Alex Graves)

102: ‘The Same Old Story’ – 8.3
(Wr: Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, J.J. Abrams & Jeff Pinkner; Dr: Paul A. Edwards)

103: ‘The Ghost Network’ – 8.5
(Wr: J.R. Orci & David H. Goodman; Dr: Frederick E.O. Toye)

If you prefer your viewing experience via the medium of British broadcast television, you can ‘imagine the impossibilities’ from early October on Sky One. The billboards are everywhere people… if you miss it, you’ve got no-one to blame but yourself.

Need a helping hand with your printer, Sir?

Just call this friendly moggy and you'll be up and running in no time. Guaranteed.

There are a few bands worthy of your attention wandering around the UK in the winter...

Okay, so perhaps I haven't exactly been very prolific when it comes to updating this here corner of the interweb. I know, I know... it's always the same story. One day, I decide it will be a thoroughly spiffing idea to do something, commit myself to said project for the foreseeable future, resolve to dedicate at least 75% of my (admittedly fleeting) spare time to its maintenance and then, lo and behold, I manage to abandon it for the better part of a month. Screenaged Kicks subscribers (um... who are they exactly?), I am truly, truly sorry. These are the sincerest apologies I can offer. From here on out, things will be different. I'm gonna go update crazy on your asses. In fact, I will make so many posts every day that you'll need to quit your day jobs to keep on top of it all. Well, maybe. But the posting bonanza starts here, guys and gals. Hold onto your hats, it's gonna be a rollercoaster of a ride...

We begin with... UK tour news. Which you may have guessed from the not-so-subtle title there. In the past few days, we've had a few new soirées around good old Great Britain announced by a selection of top quality acts. First, there's The Futureheads, whose third album 'This Is Not The World' is, you know, a bit good actually and certainly an improvement on the slightly lacklustre 'News and Tributes'. Anymahow, they play the following:

London Astoria (November 29)
Whitehaven Civic Hall (30)
Glasgow ABC 2 (December 2, 3)
Cardiff Point (5)
Norwich Waterfront (7)
Sheffield Academy (12)
Gateshead Sage (19)
York Duchess (20)

Although the Duchess is a damn fine venue, nice and compact for heightened sweatiness and increased proximity to band, the 20th is a Saturday and we all know where I'll be on that day. ;-p Thus, the Sage date is the best option. Nice culmination to a fantastic year's worth of giggage, methinks.

Next up, personal favourites Bloc Party. I've been pleasantly surprised by the interweb-released 'Intimacy' (especially after the car crash that was lead single 'Mercury') and will post separately on this matter at a later date. They hit the road for a minuscule tour in January, and then play the Olympia in London in April:

Glasgow Academy (January 25, 26)
Manchester Apollo (28, 29)
Wolverhampton Civic Hall (31, February 1)
London Olympia (April 11)

I already have my £23 (EACH!) tickets for both Apollo dates. Cost me £60.50 in total with the booking fees, transaction fees, arse-picking fees and all. Bleeding disgrace.

And finally.. to Rise Against. To quote Seetickets:

RISE AGAINST		Portsmouth Pyramid Centre	Portsmouth	SAT	21/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Carling Academy Bristol	Bristol	SUN	22/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Carling Academy Liverpool	Liverpool	MON	23/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Leeds Metropolitan University	Leeds	TUE	24/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Carling Academy Birmingham	Birmingham	THU	26/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Manchester University	Manchester	FRI	27/02/2009	20:00	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Carling Academy Sheffield	Sheffield	SAT	28/02/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Newcastle University	Newcastle	MON	02/03/2009	19:30	event cancelled
RISE AGAINST		Norwich U.E.A.	Norwich	WED	04/03/2009	19:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Carling Academy Oxford	Oxford	THU	05/03/2009	19:00	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Astoria	London	FRI	06/03/2009	18:30	buy tickets
RISE AGAINST		Astoria	London	FRI	06/03/2009	19:30	buy tickets

WTF??? Within the space of four days of the tour being announced (initially sans Newcastle, interestingly), the Uni date on the 2nd has been cancelled? Ya boo sucks. Still, there's always Leeds, Sheffield or Manchester I suppose. Or perhaps I'll just pick one of the places I've never ventured to before... like Portsmouth. Just for the hell of it. Oh, did I mention? Anti-Flag and FROBOTS are the support. Just a small bonus there.

If you haven't heard the four songs from the band's forthcoming album ('Appeal To Reason') that are kicking around the 'net, I suggest you get on the lookout. Mighty impressive. Here's the video for the single, just in case you're too lazy:

Re-Education (Through Labor)

More updates soon. Promise.

I christen this blog...

...with an image. Start as you mean to go on and that.