Satan will try anything.

And on All Hallows Eve...

Um. Anyone else find the timing of the release of this news a little TOO appropriate?

This is the Devil's work my children, run to your homes, lock your doors, BURN YOUR COPIES OF 'ABC'!

Screenaged Noise: Eels - 'Last Stop: This Town'

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the wonderfully weird world of Eels. 'Last Stop: This Town' was the first single from their second LP, the critically acclaimed (and deservedly so) Electro-Shock Blues and, really, there's no better introduction to the band. I defy you not to be swaying in time with the music by the time the final run-through of the chorus comes around. And what about that promo video, eh? Talking carrots and everything. What more could you ask for?

PS Download Electro-Shock Blues now if you don't have it: album of 1998, believe me.
PPS Eels' gig at The Sage on March 1 this year is vying for position as performance of the year. (Funny that, Stellastarr* March 1, 2006, Eels March 1, 2008... spooky. Ish.)

Watch with mother.

Now that the brand spanking new seasons of our favourite American television shows are hitting their stride, it seems only prudent, does it not, to take them off the air for a week here, a week there and, get this, maybe even a few weeks in a row just to, you know, keep viewers on their toes and that. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to jeopardise the strength of the fan base you are so delicately accumulating, or confuse the hell out of those that have stuck with you since the beginning? Who really needs those fuckers anyway? The answer, of course, is every programme that has ever come spooling out of the inner recesses of its creator’s warped little mind, and so it’s with a significant amount of bemusement that I cast my eye over the USA’s scheduling plans at this time of year and ask, “why, gogglebox overlords, WHY??!!” Just look at TV Guide’s listings for the next few weeks: Heroes is about to get its first broadcasting break, Prison Break is one on, one off, one on, one off again, Fringe is now at the start of a THREE week absence and Terminator, well, that show just doesn’t know where the bloody hell it is half of the time. It’s small wonder so many shows are hacked from the schedules before they’ve had a chance to flex their muscles with the big boys – how on Earth are they ever expected to compete when viewers can’t even be assured that the bleeding things are actually going to be available for them to watch?

The consequences for you, dear reader, are simply that this blog entry will be shorter than perhaps expected, and that this trend will more than likely continue into the coming weeks. Admittedly, I have slacked somewhat with Screenaged Kicks for the last week or so (largely due to my various excursions around the UK) but, it seems, this two week television review update actually won’t be the equivalent of War and Peace. We do have two episodes of South Park, Desperate Housewives and Heroes to stroke our collective chins over, but of the others, merely one. So let’s stop beating around the bush, shall we? Fringe. First and foremost, did anyone else catch the potential South Park homage in this gore-fest of an episode? Oh sure, exploding heads are nothing new but when Walter and co. are working on the remains of poor Patient Zero in the lab, we are subjected to a delightfully gratuitous shot of what is left of her skull… and it looks exactly the same as Matt and Trey’s Britney caricature. You know, the one earlier this season when she attempts to blow her head off and then ends up wandering around with just a chin for a face? The shape’s identical and everything! You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence. Nah ah… no way. Squealing fan boy moment aside, ‘The Cure’ functions perfectly nicely as a stand-alone episode with a few innocuous nods to the show’s ever-developing mythology: seeing Massive Dynamic woman again, Peter’s pontificating over the significance of The Pattern and so on. It’s well written and paced, maintaining the urgency of the overall investigation by punctuating the narrative with a series of enigmas and resolving them hastily, while concurrently returning to the central point of disequilibrium on sufficient occasions to reiterate the gravitas of the overall situation. As usual, the pre-credits sequence is a corker; the execution of the ‘micro waving’ (for want of a less absurd description) is shockingly graphic and considerably disturbing, further lending credence to the notion that Fringe could give its idolised predecessor The X Files a run for its money in introductory shock value. The only real points of contention lie in the continued overuse of ‘characterial sympathy’; yet again, the show’s writers are determined to draw Olivia’s personal history into the story and, unfortunately, it doesn’t really work here. Her stepfather abused her mother, so she feels an affinity for the women who have been abducted and are being experimented upon? Well… if Fringe hadn’t already thrown this sort of plot point at us with each preceding episode, perhaps I would’ve let it go. But the highly tenuous nature of the link betrays the writers’ desperation: they’re looking for issues to graft onto the plot, rather than allowing them to rise naturally out of it. I dunno… perhaps I’m just being a bit of an emotional buzz kill. I’m sure a large proportion of viewers love this sort of stuff and normally, yeah, I’d probably side with them. But this doesn’t feel like narrative and character holding hands and waltzing off happily into the distance; this feels like they’re being chained together in a darkened room and force fed whiny platitudes for all eternity. Guys, it wouldn’t hurt, you know, to just give us a week where the emotional investment is kept to a minimum. Just a thought.

106: ‘The Cure’: 8.4
Wrs: Brad Caleb Kane & Felicia D. Henderson; Dr: Bill Eagles

I’m tempted to say the same of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles after this week’s fourth or fifth slow mover of an episode in a row. Look, I understand that it would be somewhat counterproductive to make each instalment an all out action fest of pant-wettingly gargantuan proportions as the inherent formula of the show (John and Sarah pursued by whacked out cyborgs from the future) would become very stale very fast. But come on guys! Give us something, would ya? A mystery here and there, perhaps? Some life-threatening situations or conundrums to work our way out of? Anything but more Shirley Manson! Okay, okay… she wasn’t that bad in this one. At least she got to play up the ‘I’m a robot and don’t understand human emotion’ side of her ‘character’. But sending her ‘daughter’ to a shrink? Is that really the most riveting plot point the production staff of the show can come up with? And before any diehards start bleating about the significance of the whole ‘lower level’, exactly how much time did we spend in those secret rooms with the machine that’s developed a sense of humour? I’d hazard a guess at about, oooh, four minutes tops. The main focus of the hour, undoubtedly, was on the human psychoanalysis of Savannah and, later, John by ‘Skynet’s’ latest recruit. Which wouldn’t be so bad if there was something significant to be said in amongst it all. Sadly though, all we get is the resolve for cyborg Mommy dearest to stroke her child a bit more (oh, and build some neato Lego sculptures) and, after a number of irritatingly laconic false starts, the revelation that, shock of all shocks, it was John that killed Sarcyssian in the season premiere. Well really, did any of us see that one coming? Blow me down with a feather, what a plot twist! Those writers sure know how to suckerpunch us, huh? Well, erm, no… not in the bleeding slightest. It’s not even as if we were treated to much more of an insight into the inner workings of young Connor either (and yes, the double entendre is intended there… nudge nudge, wink wink): his broken utterances, steely glares and limited revelations about his feelings towards his mother don’t really add up to anything satisfactory. So what else do we have? Well, the plot is given something of a kick in the pants with the introduction of a new, kick ass female Terminator, and the sequence between she and Cameron in the elevator is the perfect balance of suspense and, oddly enough, comedy, but then there’s the other side of the multi-faceted narrative coin: Derek’s love interest who suddenly pops up out of nowhere, having a little jog and they indulge in, you know, a bit of sex. As you do. There’s one tiny snippet of relevance to the on-going story toward episode’s end when we find she’s been photographing our favourite fugitives (saucy minx!) but, in the interim, we have to wade through several scenes of irrelevant mush to get there. The poor woman is given virtually no characterisation of any merit whatsoever and, consequently, I couldn’t give a flying f**k about her past with Brian Austin Green. Really, I couldn’t. Sorry Terminator, but if you want to earn your recent promotion to full season bigwig (yes, FOX commissioned a complete set of 22 episodes), you’re going to have to do a lot better than this. Here’s a thought: move the plot forward. Here’s another thought: get Thomas Dekker to take his clothes off. It’d make me happy anyway.

206: ‘The Tower is Tall but the Fall is Short’: 6.5
Wr: John Enbom; Dr: Tawnia McKiernan

Perhaps the Terminator production staff should pop down to the Prison Break studios for some hints and tips. Truly, I find myself overwhelmed at the quality of material that these guys have been putting out, week after week, since the sub-par season premiere. Midway through last year’s lacklustre third season, I was ready to write the show off. It was good for two years, I thought, until the writers tripped over their own limited format and began scrambling for ideas in an effort to keep things interesting. And yeah, when we were treated to the somewhat transparent ‘Scylla’, I was sure we were about to be subjected to another year of the same. Not so. Oh, how I’m eating my words now. Prison Break has really turned around since its effective reboot at the start of September; once the pieces were shunted into place, albeit in a somewhat clunky fashion, the exploits of Michael Schofield and co. have once again become must see TV. And ‘The Price’ continues this new found tradition. Structurally, the episode is quite a straightforward one. The narrative is divided into two principle storylines – the retrieval of the General’s card and Roland’s betrayal – and is padded out with some additional sequences involving the fantastically deranged Gretchen. The interweaving of these strands is executed with finite precision, with each building toward an eminently satisfying crescendo at the ¾ hour mark, following which the aftermath is played out in all its delicious glory. Keeping the story simple, not jumping between snippets of narrative here and there, gives ‘The Price’ a cohesive feel and ensures that the weight of each plot’s ultimate outcome is delivered with significant force. The failure of Lincoln’s plan to acquire the General’s card, for example, while telegraphed, is highly satisfying because it comes encased in the frankly superb execution of Roland’s downfall, discovery and (part) redemption. This is by far the episode’s highlight, in every possible dimension: the sequence in which he confronts Wyatt is expertly written, with each beat more callous and shocking than the last. It is also wonderfully executed; Bobby Roth’s direction is calculated and methodical, drawing the tragic horror of the moment out for maximum effect. And let’s not forget the actors involved. This is surely James Liao’s finest hour; for a character that most Prison Break fans have either loathed or felt utterly indifferent about over the last seven weeks to receive the level of concern that is now being bandied about in fan forums is testament to the skill of the actor playing him. In the space of one or two small scenes, Roland becomes hugely empathetic, and not only because he is faced with death, but because he is truly redemptive. The closing sequence, in which Michael quietly clings to him until he passes away, successfully conveys this notion and is satisfyingly poignant… something that perhaps we wouldn’t always be quick to associate with a show as fast-paced and unforgiving as this. It certainly left a sinking feeling in my gut and that’s got to be a sign of greatness, no matter how you look at it. Elsewhere, Sarah’s flashbacks are wonderfully depicted, and thrillingly sick, and her all-too-brief encounter with PSYCHOBITCH Gretchen is yet another home run: brilliantly warped, yet equally rather moving, stuff. It is certainly refreshing to see a show that so many had sent packing from their weekly schedules, shake itself down, pick up the pieces and resolve to return to what made it so God damn addictive in the first place. Here’s hoping it continues.

408: ‘The Price’: 9.1
Wr: Graham Roland; Dr: Bobby Roth

Et tu, Heroes, et tu. I’ve harped on just about enough over the past few weeks about this show’s return to season one standards so I’m not going to bore you all again with it, except to say that yes, episodes six and seven, the two part ‘Dying of the Light’/’Eris Quod Sum’, are really rather good. You wouldn’t know it from glancing at TV.com, of course, but then, how far can you really trust reviews that consist of ‘OMG CLAIRE IS SO ANNOYING AND JESUS WON’T THEY JUST GET RID OF MAYA AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT PETER AND OMG OMG OMG EXPLODE’? Well, I’ll let you all make up your own minds about that one. I read an interesting article in the current issue of the UK’s SFX magazine the other day, in which Tim Kring revealed that the writing staff’s current approach to scripting the show consists of ‘Haiku storytelling’. To quote the man, ‘You take a story that would normally take ten beats to tell and you try to find a way to tell it in five. It makes for a very exciting kind of storytelling where every scene is very complete and very full.’ For the most part, I agree with the implementation of this approach. Slowness of pace and padding of plot is what made Heroes’ second season somewhat below par, so upping the ante in this fashion has got to be a good thing… and from the evidence we’ve been given for the past few weeks, that theory’s been borne out. I do have one major reservation, however, and that is that the active attempt to shoehorn plot, to compact it into a set amount of narratalogical space, may ultimately prove counterproductive to its own execution. Sometimes, narrative has to be allowed room to breathe; events and developments need some time to develop and prosper. This is particularly true of character beats: while it hasn’t happened to a significant extent yet, it is possible that Kring’s notion of ‘Haiku storytelling’ may not allow his audience to warm to any changes or developments in the arcs of particular characters. On a minute scale, Tracey and Nathan’s minor-scale romance (holding hands!) is indicative of this as it seems to have sprung out of nowhere, while Sylar’s attempts to be a ‘hero’, to rid himself of his villainous past, while explained quite logically within the context of the plot and also understandable, nevertheless niggle a little when compared to the sheer wealth of his, well, evilness in seasons past. Perhaps if this development had been given, say, eight or nine episodes to reach the point where he is trying to be good rather than, well, one or two, viewers wouldn’t be so ready to down remotes in bemused disgust and return to their copies of The Umbrella Academy.

Still, this reviewer is perfectly happy to accept Sylar’s current status as potential hero-in-the-making, if only because, well, you do have to drop all semblance of believability when it comes to this show really, don’t you? It’s making for some great sequences between he and Peter (the electro-fight in the first episode is awesome) and, ultimately, Kring and co are careful to ensure that shafts of Gabriel past come shining through when the carrot is dangled in front of him: see his potential ‘recruitment’ to Pinehurst for further evidence of this. And hey, what a series of twists and turns overall, eh? First, Adam Monroe snuffs it in one of the most surprising deaths by old age ever depicted on screen. Then, Maury Parkman bites the dust without even so much as a ‘Goodbye Matty, nice messing with your head’. And let’s not forget Daphne’s betrayal (nope, definitely didn’t see that one coming), the split second in which we all thought it might be curtains for poor Matt and his turtle (is it just me, or is Knox getting ever more likeably bad ass with each episode?), Mohinder’s continued lack of mental stability and, of course, that moment at the end of episode six in which Peter’s powers go bye bye. Which is probably a good thing, in all honesty, for the foreseeable future. Arthur’s power – transference of others’ abilities from them to him – is completely logical, given Sylar and Peter’s similar variants on the theme, and is, evidently, the most potentially lethal of them all, making him a superbly sinister villain. And on that subject, what about Puppet Guy, eh? His scenes in ‘Dying of the Light’ simply ooze menace; for the first time since the season opener, the production staff take their time with the depiction of the sequence, milking every possible scare out of a deliciously harrowing situation. The ‘Russian Roulette’ with Claire’s family is fascinating to watch, even if the outcome is ultimately rather predictable, and it’s largely thanks to the actor playing Doyle: I defy you not to want to crawl right behind the sofa whenever he opens his mouth or, indeed, moves a limb. In amongst all of this general marvellousness, we are also treated to some lovely comedy moments involving Hiro and Ando (Mr. African Isaac is first and foremost), Maya’s potential exit from the show (am I the only one whooping? Sorry…) and, um, Sylar’s frankly ridiculous escape from Level 5. ‘You don’t know what you’re capable of’ and then wham bam, thank you ma’am, I’m out? Hmm. A little too convenient methinks. Shame really, as it’s the only real blot on an otherwise damn fine couple of episodes. Here’s to Hiro’s spirit walk in a couple of weeks…

306: ‘Dying of the Light’: 9.2
Wrs: Chuck Kim & Christopher Zatta; Dr: Daniel Attias

307: ‘Eris Quod Sum’: 8.7
Wr: Jesse Alexander; Dr: Jeannot Szwarc

…and here’s to Mrs McCluskey getting straight up out of her hospital bed, marching back down Wysteria Lane and clonking Dave over the head with that great big baseball bat pronto. What a SOB, eh? Rearranging the items in Karen’s home after having decided to throw her a birthday party, just so that she can appear to have dementia and be going a wee bit senile. Evil, evil, evil. While I was initially sceptical about my potential investment in this season’s ‘mystery’ narrative, I have to hand it to the writers for having turned this old stick in the mud around, yet again, by cooking up some deliciously twisted developments. It certainly helps that the brilliant Kathryn Joosten is getting a substantial slice of the action; she’s gone from being an amusing aside to one of the most loved characters in Desperate Housewives history in the space of a few short seasons and, I have to confess, I was more than a little irked at her departure from our screens at the end of the superb ‘Mirror, Mirror’. I’m sure she’ll be back as soon as she can make a quick escape, but the fact that I spent the last few moments of the episode screaming “no!” at the screen (albeit in my head) certainly says a lot about the quality of both her character and her performance. It made the episode for me and that’s actually saying something: Jeff Greenstein’s script is a wonderful piece of narratalogical craftsmanship, weaving together a series of seemingly disparate plot strands around the collective attendance at a specific locale, and the decision to preview the ultimate outcome in the teaser, and then slowly reveal the build up to it by character, works wonders as a piece of original, and highly entertaining, storytelling. Plus, of course, we are given insight into the events that have led our core housewives to the current situations they find themselves in which, in some cases (notably Bree), is actually quite startling. Excellent stuff then, and certainly the best episode of the season so far. ‘Back in Business’, the previous week’s offering, while not quite up to this standard, is also nicely structured around the theme of the ‘green eyed monster’ and offers up some wonderfully unexpected sequences: particularly the strands involving Orson and Bree, whose marriage is certainly suffering as a result of Mrs Van Der Kamp’s success. While Lynette’s descent into petty jealousy and, indeed, desperation is difficult to watch (I covered my eyes during a great deal of it), it is all the more successful because of it, Gabrielle and Carlos’ decision to teach their child the facts of life results in a number of rather humorous moments and, of course, Susan’s ludicrous attempt to hide her son’s relationship with Jackson from Mike produce the usual round of unfortunate Myer related klutziness. Ultimately, a set of decidedly above average episodes: one excellent, the other rather good. Desperate Housewives is most definitely on something of an upswing.

504: ‘Back in Business’: 8.2
Wrs: John Pardee & Joey Murphy; Dr: Scott Ellis

505: ‘Mirror, Mirror’: 9.0
Wr: Jeff Greenstein; Dr: David Grossman

And South Park is most definitely on something of a crazy, whacked out, most-probably-Mary-Jane-fuelled-spin. Matt and Trey’s latest offering, the two part Cloverfield homage ‘Pandemic’, is so utterly, utterly ridiculous that you just can’t help but be awed by it. The plot, in a nutshell, is as follows: The boys decide to form a Peruvian flute band, as they believe they make a considerable amount of money. The government then bans Peruvian flute bands on the grounds that they are a nuisance. Following this, giant guinea creatures attack cities across America and leave devastation in their wake. The boys are carted off to Peru by the evil head of Homeland Security, as it is only one of them that can save the world from complete destruction. Scathing political commentary? Astute social observation? Um. Pointless tomfoolery. Yeah, that’ll be it. Still, the whole thing is rather amusing, if only because it just gets stupider and stupider with each passing moment. Randy’s incessant use of the camcorder raises a few smirks and it must be noted that the animation/direction of these sequences is pretty darn awesome. Stone and Parker certainly pay their respects to J.J. Abrams’ film in a highly fulfilling fashion. The use of Craig as the central protagonist also makes for a refreshing change, allowing an outsider’s view of Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny’s exploits to be given centre stage (although the joke does wear a little thin after a while… when Eric attests that “no-one likes hanging around people who complain all the time”, I have to confess to being somewhat in agreement with him). The Peruvian flute band element is good for a few giggles too, particularly in the responses of the general public to their performances: “it’s so… cultural” is just the kind of meaningless epithet that you might hear shot in the general direction of the players in Tube stations. On the whole, ‘Pandemic’ certainly isn’t the most meaningful, or indeed the most laugh-out-loud memorable, narrative in South Park’s illustrious twelve year history, but it’s certainly a fun ride. Utter and complete nonsense, then, but enjoyable nonsense all the same.

1210: ‘Pandemic’: 8.3
Wr: Trey Parker; Dr: Trey Parker

1211: ‘Pandemic 2: The Startling’: 8.0
Wr: Trey Parker; Dr: Trey Parker

Next week, I will be reviewing:
Desperate Housewives 506
Prison Break 409
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles 207
South Park 1212

Which means, no new episodes of:
Heroes
Fringe

Paul's social life: BREAKING NEWS!!

This just in from our roving reporter on the front line...

Paul has been invited to an Alice In Wonderland themed house warming party next weekend and is thinking about attending.

He is thinking, "March Hare" and now needs your help in the acquisition/construction of a costume.

Assistance, much?

Screenaged Noise: Stellastarr* - My Coco

Lo, I returneth to these hallowed shores of blog postage with a new feature. Oh yes, tonight sees the début of 'Screenaged Noise', wherein I post a music video for a kick ass song that, really, you need to hear in order to live the rest of your life. Actually, it's just an excuse for me to hunt for cool music on Youtube. But epic win either way, right?

Kicking us off, we have Manhattan's stupendously named Stellastarr* (yes, that asterisk is crucial, God dammit), with a live performance of the superbly catchy, and rather sexual really, 'My Coco'. Yes, you guessed it, the embedding rights on the actual promo video have been disabled. Boo bloody hiss. Still, this does give us a chance to see Michael Jurin, the band's lead guitarist and purveyor of mesmerisingly high-pitched backing vocals, in action. When I saw these guys play at the Roadhouse in Manchester (March 1st 2006, date fans), not only was it one of the best things I have ever seen (it still has a place in my top 10 gigs of all time), but I managed to have perhaps the greatest fan girl moment ever when Michael suddenly appeared next to me post-gig and I spent ten minutes yabbering to him about God only knows what. It's become something of a blur; all I can really remember is the phrase 'you are ridiculously hot' running through my mind ad nauseum. Oh dear.

So, without further ado, 'My Coco'. And check that incredibly lengthy, deliciously sexy guitar solo. You don't get those on Stereophonics albums, that's for sure.

There are busy times ahead.

Paul's Schedule

Tuesday 14th October: UP AND OUT! Live
Wednesday 15th October: JULY RISING acoustic performance at Hoko 10, with Limp Rizted to follow
Thursday 16th October: DOWN 'TIL WE'RE UNDERGROUND at WHQ
Friday 17th October: FOALS/ESSER (GONZO MTV2 TOUR), York Fibbers - to review for MTV2
Saturday 18th October: The Bunker (well, obviously)
Sunday 19th October: *breathe*
Monday 20th October: BLOOD RED SHOES, Newcastle Academy 2
Tuesday 21st October: FRANK TURNER, The Cockpit, Leeds
Wednesday 22nd October: FRANK TURNER, York Duchess (plus probably Limp Rizted afterwards)
Thursday 23rd October: FRANK TURNER, Glasgow Oran Mor
Friday 24th October: FRANK TURNER, Manchester Academy 3 (plus probably Jilly's afterwards)
Saturday 25th October: Tom's birthday night out
Sunday 26th October: *relax* Again.

As you can see, I am currently at the epicentre of a whirlpool of activity and, as a consequence, I don't have all that much time to sit at my computer, bashing away at the keyboard in attempt to form some coherent sentences. Granted, I have today to take a - somewhat brief - breather, but this doesn't really allow enough minutes, nay hours, for me to intricately piece together the kind of television reviews that I normally spend the better part of my weekend crafting. So, this is your disclaimer, ladies and gentlemen. What you're gonna get may not be up to scratch. Yeah, I said it. Basically, I'm gonna just summarise my thoughts on each of the four new episodes of American programmes that I cast my weary eyes over this week, rather than wax poetic in paragraph after paragraph about their minutiae. So.. here we go.

Heroes continues to be bloody marvellous. 'Angels and Demons' is a prime example of why this show deserves many, many more illustrious seasons to come: it is a wonderful marriage of character development with plot twist, turn and revelation and, as a result, is nothing short of exhilarating. I defy anyone who wasn't rooted to the spot when Peter nearly sliced open his mother's head, Hiro 'stabbed' Ando (hmm... I think perhaps that's not quite how it happened!) or, perhaps more significantly, Maury Parkman showed up and was OWNED by Daddy Petrelli. The reveals certainly come thick and fast toward episode's end and act as a fantastic pay off to the questions and complications that have arisen from the first four episodes. There are a multitude of jaw-droppingly cool moments too: Mohinder's transformation into insane Spiderprofessor being one of them, particularly the superbly executed moments of tension between he and Maya when she's hiding under the table, Claire's encounter with Vortex Guy, the second coolest Hero/Villain we've seen in quite some time, Claire's mom's ultra creepy encounter with Puppet Guy, the coolest Villain we've seen, and of course, Angela's dream, chock full of delicious gore. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Christine Rose is one of the finest actresses to grace our screens in years. She makes the scene in which she reveals that Nathan was experimented upon; while Adrian Pasdar is certainly on fine form, her blend of the sinister and the sorrowful is just perfect. And how about Linderman, huh? All Maury's influence and a kick in the stomach to those 'fans' who didn't have the patience to persevere and just wrote the development off as 'an unbelievable twist in an absurd show'. "Pah!", I say to you all, "Who's coming crawling back now?!"

305: 'Angels and Monsters': 8.9
Wrs: Adam Armus & Kay Foster; Dr: Anthony Hemingway

Fringe gave us its fifth instalment this week after a short absence and it was something of a beaut. The episode's core concept - that a human being could potentially wittingly or unwittingly control electricity - was explored fantastically, offering up a number of hugely memorable water cooler moments: the guy's arm in the mechanical device, the car alarms and lights going off, and particularly the entire pre-credits sequence in the elevator which was superbly shot for maximum effect. The decision to cut from the chaos to a still shot of the ground, from which we view the ultimate collision, was inspired, magnifying the horror of the incident to an even greater degree than we perhaps would've experienced had we simply been treated to an aerial shot or even remained in the elevator. The subsequent exploration of this theme was also very well handled: kudos to the writers for allowing the viewer to care about the outcome of the investigation by beautifully characterising the role of Joseph, and leading the narrative oft-times from his perspective. Granted, we had our usual absurd blast of barely-even-psuedo-science from Walter (electromagnetic signatures to cassette tapes to homing pigeons is um... yeah), but I'm starting to forgive the show for it to be honest, especially following the superb 'The Observer' which effectively began to shift the show's self-imposed rules (did you all spot him getting out of the elevator before Joseph got in? Did you?) Plus, Olivia's characterisation was delicately handled, paying dividends as a result: I actually began to care about her previous relationship with John, and the entire 'part of his consciousness is in yours' angle certainly holds promise for future wackiness. On the whole, a solid effort and further evidence that Fringe is only just getting started.

105: 'Power Hungry': 8.7
Wr: Julia Cho & Jason Cahill; Dr: Christopher Misiano

Okay everyone, I know this is gonna come as a bit of a shock so I'm just forewarning you before I actually type it. Are you ready? Okay. Here goes. Shawn Pyfrom was actually in Desperate Housewives this week. A lot. There. Feels good, doesn't it? Shame he spent most of it in a suit and not out of a suit, or out of most of his clothes for that matter, but hell, I'll take whatever morsels I can get. There were no hot, juicy snogs with hot, juicy boys either, which is obviously depressing, but his storyline held its own and was fairly innocuous... and a whole hell of a lot more interesting than last week's Solis pity party. Granted, we're still on the same 'oh woe is me, look how far from grace I've fallen! Waaaaah!' motif but at least the whole thing was handled with a lot more reserve and panache in 'Kids Ain't Like Everybody Else' than it has previously been. And now that I've mentioned that thematically leading title... 503 was very much the children's episode, from Danielle returning with a simply fabulous new look darling, and a vegetarian, Jewish six year old to boot, to Juanita bullying poor little MJ. What can sometimes be something of an off-putter for television drama actually turned into the best thing about the episode, thanks to some skilful writing from show stalwart Joe Keenan. The effects on the respective families were the interesting part and allowed for some superbly pitched moments, such as Orson's scolding of Bree over allowing Benjamin to be lost to his real parents or, indeed, the hilarious front-lawn fight between Susan and Gabrielle, leading into a lovely reconciliatory scene, with booze, in Gaby's house. It's worth mentioning that Dave's story picked up the pace somewhat here too, and was delightfully intertwined with a smirk-inducing nugget of a C-storyline involving Tom's longing to form a garage band to boot. I concede, Housewives writers, I am now dying to know exactly what this guy's history is and what his plans are for Wysteria Lane. Well done all, you've intrigued again. Best episode so far this season and one that can certainly hold its own amongst the big guns of years past.

503: 'Kids Ain't Like Everybody Else': 8.5
Wr: Joe Keenan; Dr: Bethany Rooney

Oh, and let's have a shirtless Shawn Pyfrom just for good measure:



And that brings us, finally, to South Park's breast cancer episode. I'm not gonna say all that much other than that it was a vast, vast improvement on 'The China Probrem' and that it certainly felt like a great deal of effort was put into both the writing and the execution of the episode. It was good to see a whole host of familiar faces back - Wendy, for starters, Bebe, Craig, Clyde, the Kindergarten kids, Ike and, of course, your favourites and mine, the goth/emo kids! Let's have a warm round of applause for these guys, shall we?



While 'Breast Cancer Show Ever' certainly wasn't laugh-a-minute, roll-around-on-the-floor-in-hysterics funny, it certainly amused (particularly all the references to titty cancer), and the central plot of Cartman trying to worm his way out of an encounter with Wendy was flawlessly executed. Matt and Trey did an excellent job of keeping the viewer guessing as to whether the face-off would actually occur and, of course, what the outcome would be. I'm tempted to say this was a triumph for character development, of all things, in a comedy show but I suspect Eric will be, rightly, back to his usual ways next week. Still, it kept me entertained and that's certainly a whole hell of a lot of steps back in the right direction.

1209: 'Breast Cancer Show Ever': 8.5
Wr: Trey Parker; Dr: Trey Parker

Right. Done. Now to add to my schedule. See, it doesn't end at the 26th. While I have taken the following week off work to recharge my batteries, I'm finally gonna do what I've said I would for ages and go out every single night of a single week in Newcastle, doing different things (but largely, clubbing. It's just that you can't really on the Sunday night.) So...

Monday 27th October: The Cooperage
Tuesday 28th October: Get Y Sk8s On
Wednesday 29th October: Limp Rizted (with The Automatic... for Hallowe'en)
Thursday 30th October: Stone Love
Friday 31st October: ??????? Somewhere for Hallowe'en... but not Legends!
Saturday 1st November: RANCID at Newcastle Academy, followed by The Bunker
Sunday 2nd November: EASTPAK ANTIDOTE TOUR feat FLOGGING MOLLY, Newcastle Academy

So yeah. Busy.

250 words? I ask you.

I do apologise for the lack of updates. Again, been a bit of a busy bee recently. Still am, actually. I is a gonna post more shizzle for yas all 2moz like. But first, here's my Foals/Esser review, untainted by the need to hack it down for the MTV2 website (God damn, how I hate having my creativity stifled by word counts. Pshaw!)

GONZO ON TOUR (MTV2): FOALS and ESSER, York Fibbers, 17/10/08

Tonight, deep in the bowels of the unforgivably claustrophobic, relentlessly humid pressure cooker that is York's Fibbers, 250 haircuts-with-legs stand poised, waiting for the sonic apocalypse. The band NME told them all to watch in 2008, Oxford's finest purveyors of indie-techno-reggae-punk Foals, are about to launch full throttle into their final eleven song set of the year, fresh from having sold out the 5,000-strong Brixton Academy the night before. You can almost taste the anticipation in the air... but first, we all have to get through Esser and boy, is it a struggle. Dressed by Morrissey and styled by James Dean, the lead singer shuffles his way through the performance, his eyes continually shifting to the high-profile MTV2 cameras that flank the stage, filming the show for broadcast. Connection with the audience is minimal -the guy's too busy making sure he looks good for TV. And therein lies the problem: everyone here knows tonight is little more than a publicity stunt, a vehicle for further exposure to the masses, but it is the band's duty to disguise that fact: to connect with the audience here, rather than the one sitting comfortably in their armchairs at home. Esser seem unable to grasp this concept, lethargically mumbling their way through their sprawling, genre-straddling set, and the incessant sampling certainly doesn't help matters: piano parts appear from behind a mixing desk, computerised drumbeats loop over and over when there's a perfectly playable set of drums onstage and, sin of all sins, VOCALS come blasting out of the speakers when there's no-one singing them. Closer 'Headlock', the only song the crowd knows, sees the singer barely approaching the mic to sing the chorus, allowing a sample OF HIS OWN VOICE to play instead. It's sheer laziness and only exposes the synthetic nature of the band: connecting with an audience is nigh on impossible when you don't address them yourself.

Thankfully, our headliners understand this fact. It's not a typical connection (you don’t get any drum solo handclaps in a Foals set, that’s for sure), but it's certainly a primal one. From the moment the first high-pitched chords of a frantic 'The French Open' are struck, there's a ferocity to the performance that almost defies belief. Onstage, the five band members face each other, playing with the urgency of a group with everything to prove: as if someone's holding a gun to their heads, forcing them to play for their lives. Offstage, the hipster crowd shake off the shackles of cool and slam flesh-first into one another, risking life and limb to immerse themselves in the music. This is far from a juxtaposition, however: this is symbiosis. Band and audience feed off one another in a relationship of almost dangerous intensity. Just check out the crowd-surfing to nowhere during a colossal 'Cassius', the spasmodic rage induced by a monstrous 'Hummer' or the ferocious animalism with which a jacked-up Yannis attacks his guitar and bonus snare drum during a monumental 'Electric Bloom'. This is the kind of show that venues like this were made for, the sort that turns into a sweaty, painful haze of a memory at night's end... but that you know was absolutely f*****g fantastic. It hardly even matters that they return to the stage to play a crowd-pleasing 'Two Steps Twice': Foals have already proved themselves twenty times over. And made us all forget there was ever a support band on in the first place. Job. Well. Done.

Your daily dose of homophobia.

1.



Oh, but OF COURSE! It's all so simple! Legalise gay marriage, our children turn into homos. Why didn't I think of that before? YES to Prop 8 guys! Say no to faggotry!

And that man lectures IN A UNIVERSITY? Oh dear.

2.

The Daily Mail outdoes itself again

Yes, truly, I do believe that 145 people constitutes a 'flood'. What are the average viewing figures for an episode of EastEnders? Over ten million? Hmm... Oh, and my personal favourite:

Another, Pat, wrote: 'I had to explain to my seven-year-old son what was happening.

'He now thinks he is gay because he kisses his dad.'

Where DO they find these people? Or do they make them up? Probably.

Let's get televisual.

Well fellow goggleboxers, wasn’t that an eventful week in the land of exciting new American televisual entertainment? South Park came kicking and screaming back out of the confines of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s really rather disturbed hive mind and upset a lot of people in the process, Heroes divided fans and critics alike even further by throwing us into yet another interpretation of the future, and Prison Break… well, suffice to say, while general consensus appears to be that ‘Five The Hard Way’ was the most impressive episode of the season so far, a few of us (10%, more than likely) had a number of significant bones to pick with a few of its, shall we say, less tasteful plot points. Plenty for us to chew over then, and not even a whiff of J.J. Abrams to be found anywhere: yup, that’s right, no new episode of Fringe this week I’m afraid, X-Files fans… and that’s rather disappointing too, given that episode four actually had me gagging for more. Still, onwards and upwards… but before we get onto the more salient talking points of the week, there’s Terminator and Desperate Housewives to get out of the way.

And yes, that was rather harsh. Episode five of The Thomas Dekker Show, ‘Goodbye To All That’ is certainly an improvement on the somewhat lacklustre ‘Allison from Palmdale’ and no, that’s not because we get to see Dekker running around in combat fatigues and sweating a lot (and how about the way he effortlessly handles a firearm, eh? I wonder what else he’s an expert at handling… ahem), and nor is it due to the show’s FIFTY TWO MINUTES OF BRAND SPANKING NEW ENTERTAINMENT, instead of the usual forty five. No, this instalment manages to grace the presence of the 8/10 league simply because it marries character development with plot development and, while slightly predictable in places, gives us access to emotions and perspectives that were previously only implied. Dekker and particularly Brian Austin Green get a chance to shine with some material that exposes their characters’ inner-workings: the horror of their experiences, their fears, the tiring nature of what they do. Green’s sequence with the trigger-happy cadets is spine-chillingly believable and their shared moment in the car toward episode’s end perfectly pitched for optimum poignancy. It’s good to see young John Connor given a level of depth that was previously lacking from the show, particularly in series one, and it only strengthens the viewer’s belief in Dekker as a perfect representation of the role. On the flipside of the narrative coin, of course, we have Sarah’s internal struggle with the ethics of kidnapping a young child, and her own insecurities at her suitability for parenthood, which certainly feel more worthwhile than last week’s sojourn into mawkish flippancy in the form of the pregnancy storyline. While the plot itself didn’t really do anything for the overall arc of the show – and in fact, didn’t really go anywhere within the confines of the 52 minutes – I wasn’t sufficiently frustrated by its pace that I wanted started throwing things at the TV, shouting “get Dekker’s shirt off!” like I may previously have been inclined to. Which is probably a good thing. And then, of course, there are the glimpses into the Skynet-torn future (always a bonus), super bad ass Terminator dude going ape-shit left, right and centre and a chance for Shirley Manson to do what she does best: keep her mouth shut and murder people in the most gut-wrenchingly sadistic way. Pity she did actually get some lines, otherwise we may have had a virtually perfect recipe on our hands… as it stands though, ‘Goodbye To All That’ is a fine example of why FOX needs to persevere with this show and give it time to grow. Good things come to those who wait, after all.

205: ‘Goodbye To All That’: 8.5
Wrs: Zack Stentz & Ashley Edward Miller; Dr: Bill Eagles

Which is what I keep saying to myself when I watch Desperate Housewives. And that’s not just because Shawn Pyfrom continues to get all of about two minutes of screen-time per episode (sorry Marc Cherry, suits do absolutely nothing for me… get the boy playing pre-coital video games in bed with his super hot boyfriend again, thanks!) Season five’s second stopover in Wysteria Lane wasn’t much more eventful than the rather disappointing first: honestly, what did we really get to sink our teeth into this week? Susan agonising over her Queer as Folk USA boyfriend’s new found rapport with her ex-husband? Well, while it at least made a refreshing change from the ‘let’s fight over the woman like a pair of Neanderthals’ thread that usually comes of these things, I’m genetically pre-disposed to hating the whole storyline anyway as (a) it involves Mike Delphino who I’ve had about enough of and (b) we all know this is all just going to end in Susan’s – what is it, fourth or fifth? – reunion with her so-called ‘soulmate’. I’m tired of it, we’re tired of it, hell, even they’re tired of it. Cherry really dropped the ball by separating the pair rather than taking the brave leap and killing Mike off, or even just doing a Monica and Chandler and keeping them together. It’s not such a crazy notion, you know. What else? Gabrielle mourns days gone by when she could swan around ‘important’ parties looking beautiful. Boo bleeding hoo. I was hoping we could skip all the self-pity and explore the Solis’ family life a little more, especially given how well executed their storyline was in the season premiere. Too much to ask, it seems. Instead, we get a highly predictable tread through narratalogical shores of old, although it must be acknowledged that the pay-off sequence between the couple in their car is rather nicely done. Elsewhere, Edie’s new husband continued on his journey down the ‘whack out’ highway with his admonishing of Mrs McClusky which, while having its moments, was completely telegraphed from the get go (it must surely be only the character herself who didn’t see the return of her cat as an inevitability following her apology), and Porter proved to be a poetry fan – a nice, surprising slice of character development – but, of course, blundering Lynette had to ruin it all. In, you guessed it, desperately predictable style. Would it kill the writers to throw a few curveballs at us? Does the show really need to be this, well, safe? They do flex their muscles and show their mettle with poor Bree’s problems with her husband; their closing scenes in particular are an echo of the triumphs of old, brilliantly acted and directed by all and, it must be noted, decidedly disturbing. Orson’s cold commands, his insistence that his tired partner tend to his needs, is completely unexpected and partially saves the episode as a result. More of this please guys, and less that could’ve been written in your sleep, thanks.

SHAWN PYFROM VISIBILITY WATCH: LOW

We'd better make up for it...

502: ‘We’re So Happy You’re So Happy’: 6.9
Wr: Alexandra Cunningham; Dr: David Grossman

And that goes for you too, Matt and Trey. You didn’t think banging on about how much you hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and throwing in a few jokes about the Chinese was really gonna cut the mustard, did you? I mean, come on… this is South Park, for crying out loud! Your baby. One of the greatest comedy shows of all time; arguably the greatest at the moment. We expect more… and with bloody good reason. You have proven yourselves capable of writing some of the most hilarious, and simultaneously most meaningful, twenty minutes ever committed to film in the twelve years that you’ve been churning out the stories of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Eric and co. All it takes is a little effort. And yeah, okay, maybe you were struggling for ideas… we all know that’s not a rare occurrence, given the details we are treated to in your DVD commentaries. But to return from a six or so month break and get ‘The China Probrem’? Nah ah, that’s just not good enough, I’m afraid. The episode could’ve been so much more. Cartman and Butters’ attempts to educate the American population on the dangers presented by the Chinese could’ve been absolutely hilarious had a number of different scenarios been delineated; instead, they were kept in the confines of the Chinese restaurant where a few throwaway gags about Americans working for the owners, and then the police, and the occasional, mildly amusing, inappropriate impersonation was supposed to be enough to have our sides-splitting. Sorry, it really wasn’t. And then there’s the choice of character couplet, which is normally an absolute sure-fire winner. Throwing Cartman and Butters together has produced some absolute comedy gold in the past but sadly, not here. Apart from a smirk-raising sequence with Butters in the bath, all we really get to tickle us is Butters shooting people… IN THE DICK. Which, yeah, you really don’t do. Had this happened once, it would’ve been a talking point, a moment to remember. Having it occur over and over and over again just nullified its effect and well, made me bored. By the time Cartman got round to imparting what he had learned to an unsuspecting Butters, frankly, I couldn’t have cared less. Sure, it was a nice point and should be sufficient to silence all the idiots who watched the show and complained about its ‘blatant racism’ (you wonder whether these folks put their brains in the freezer or something before sitting down in front of the TV…) but one good allegorical moment does not a good episode make. And neither, frankly, does the Indiana Jones stuff which suffers from exactly the same problem as its narratalogical counterpoint: far, far too much repetition. The build up was expertly done: I certainly didn’t see the identity of the ‘raped friend’ coming and, when the revelation was made, the sheer ridiculousness of it did have me laughing. Quite a bit, actually. Furthermore, the sequence in the cinema was a treat for those who were equally incensed by the movie’s 50 foot pole vault, never mind jump, over the shark, and Jimmy’s ‘do you remember that scene with Indiana in the refrigerator?’ was classic, but then it all went rather downhill. Sure guys, one shot of Spielberg and Lucas literally raping Harrison Ford may have been funny… but three, four, five? I don’t care if they’re all in different locations as per different movies… the joke wore extremely thin very, very quick. And even making the boys’ assertion that Indy was ‘raped’ into a literal joke was questionable: keeping it metaphorical, and exaggerating the parts of the movie that were ridiculous, would arguably have made for far better comedy. ‘The China Probrem’ feels like a rushed piece of work: one or two ideas with potential simply repeated continually until that potential is worn down. Granted, it was controversial and yes, anything that calls Spielberg and Lucas on their continuing efforts to destroy their previous works has got to be looked upon as a force for good, but as a South Park episode? This was decidedly below par. Let’s hope things improve next week.

1208: ‘The China Probrem’: 5.0
Wr: Trey Parker; Dr: Trey Parker

Now then. I’ve been mulling over exactly what to write in this particular paragraph since about 10.30 on Thursday night, when Gretchen demanded T-Bag’s release and the screen cut to black on the seventh new episode of Prison Break in a row (don’t get too excited about that guys… no new ep next week). First of all, I’ll get the plaudits out of the way. ‘Five The Hard Way’ is, for the most part, an exceptionally well-written episode. It picks up the overall narrative pace dramatically, and expertly marries the A story, retrieving the Scylla cards, with one of the B stories, T-Bag’s infiltration of GATE. It’s good to see the show’s biggest hitters thrown together once more, and the actors pull it off admirably: when Michael is held captive by T-Bag, the chemistry between the two threatens to burn a hole in your television set. There’s the added bonus, of course, of this providing the viewer with some answers relating to the importance of GATE (and also, as a bi-product, Michael’s illness), and by episode’s end, separate strands start to be drawn together in a highly satisfying way. There’s Gretchen too, of course, who thankfully hasn’t mellowed in her post-Company escape and is as psychotic a crazy bitch as she ever was (take for your two examples the cold determination in her eyes as she severs the throat of the GATE employee, or the malicious glee with which she cuts open Theodore’s arm). And let’s not forget Don Self and The General, which plays out just perfectly: the scene in the Company big-wig’s office, in particular, is wonderfully thrilling. I’m warming more and more to Mr. Self with each week and am starting to be of the belief that he could be one of the show’s most memorable characters. All good stuff then, and a recipe for edge-of-your-seat success… and then they went to Vegas. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with the change of locale, or indeed the blatant exploitation of their presence in that locale (were all those long, lingering shots of the city really necessary?), nor do I take umbrage with Roland’s little life of petty gambling crime. What I’m not too sure of is poor, poor Jude Ciccollella. While it was good to see Mike from 24 back on our screens again in some form, someone needs to fire his agent for putting him forward for the role of ‘pervy homo/bizarre pimp daddy’ pronto.

Right. Let’s cut to the chase. A large proportion of this narrative made me uncomfortable… and at first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. There’s the sleaze element to begin: the manner with which the director chooses to portray Jude’s apparent sexual interest in Sucre. Now, one could make accusations of stereotypical representation here; that the show is reinforcing the notion that ‘gay’ automatically equals ‘fornicate, fornicate, fornicate’. But then, the narratalogical context should also be considered. The objective is to woo him and, significantly, this had already been attempted with Sara. Her flirtation, while far more subtle than Sucre removing his top, flexing his muscles and the camera zooming in on his bum, was sexual objectification nevertheless and therefore places the ‘gay’ element on an equal footing. Then there’s Sucre’s hesitation, nay revulsion, at the notion of pretending to be a homo. Perfectly in keeping with his character, I say, and also none of the other characters even batted an eyelid. So… all clear, right? Wrong. Then they entered the bedroom and everything really started to fall apart. Having set up the notion of Sucre playing ‘boy toy’ to the gay man, they include the remark ‘this is Vegas… any kind of pleasure is acceptable here’ (or words to that effect), implying somehow that this sort of desire wouldn’t be acceptable elsewhere. Not a good move, guys but equally, not the worst they make. No, their error is in the thread’s pay-off, the sudden, inexplicably bizarre revelation that actually, this guy has a wife, can’t pleasure anyone due to an accident AND WANTS SUCRE TO INSERT HIS MANLY MAN PENIS INTO HER FOR GRATIFICATION. What the holy mother of fuck? Let me just get my head around that again… Jude took one look at Sucre, thought ‘oh, my wife would love to be penetrated by that guy who keeps looking at me suggestively and is probably a raging queer’, suggestively looked at him in response and offered him some money to get jiggy (thinking that Sucre would believe he would be getting jiggy with him), and then threw the revelation of heterosexual lovin’ on an apparently homosexual man?! What? None of this makes any sense whatsoever… and furthermore, it’s excessively misogynistic. “Oh yeah, I can’t do the manly thing and insert something in one of her holes, which obviously she needs in order to get by, I mean come on, how can she live without having an erect penis shoved up her every day?, so come on in, enjoy the fun, FUCK MY WOMAN.” Honestly, if the girl is so sexually frustrated and deprived, can’t she go find HERSELF some fun? Isn’t she capable of winning the hearts of ex-con Mexicans WHO HAVE WOMEN THEY SUPPOSEDLY LOVED DEARLY TWENTY MINUTES AGO AND HAVE A CHILD WITH?! (Yeah writers, dropped the ball on this character, didn’t you?) Or is it just that sick, depraved Jude enjoys picking up men he believes to be homo? Does he want to watch? Who knows?

Certainly not the writers, one expects. The fact is, this narrataillogical U-turn stinks of being backed into a corner and feeling the need to make a hasty retreat. Heaven forbid the guy might actually have been gay and, even worse, woe of woes, that Sucre may have had do a little bit of entertaining while the card was downloading, which, let’s admit and all breathe a collective, heterosexist sigh of relief, would only have been for a matter of minutes anyway (it would’ve constituted what, say, a small peck on the lips and maybe a bit of an ass-grab? I think I’d be willing to do that with a woman if it meant my freedom…) We couldn’t have that, no, so instead we have a penis-less codger with a stunning wife WHO MUST HAVE COCK OR ELSE SHE’LL EXPLODE. Or something. Pimp daddy Cicollella, giving his woman just what she needs. And Sucre is more than happy to give it to her: the glee with which the line ‘you want me to bang your wife?’ is delivered is decidedly telling: not only does it reek of rampaging, testosterone-fuelled sexism but it’s treated as the moment with which the audience can relax from their supposed ‘unease’ with the dreaded notion of homosexuality and thank the Lord we’re back to good, wholesome, heterosexual intercourse. What a fucking relief. This almost ruined the episode for me in all honesty, and you might think that’s going a bit overboard. But think about it… a man being instructed to fuck someone’s wife by her husband is considered more ‘wholesome’, if you will, than the notion of two consenting same-sex adults going at it. It’s a minute detail in an episode chocked full of plot movement goodness but it’s one that still rankles with me now. And I’m sorry, but I can’t conscionably overlook it. Bye bye 1.5 points.

MARSHALL ALLMAN VISIBILITY WATCH: NON-EXISTENT

Oh well, looks like we're gonna have to get serious. Shirtless AND in underpants needed I think...

407: ‘Five The Hard Way’: 7.5
Wr: Christian Trokey; Dr: Garry A. Brown

The vast majority of Prison Break’s viewing audience can overlook it, however, and that’s why the TV.com reviews are mostly into the 9s and sing ‘Five The Hard Way’s praises from the rooftops as the best episode of the season yet. Shame we can’t say the same about Heroes, whose fan base seems absolutely determined to drive the show to an early grave. The forums are awash with folks proclaiming that they are fed up with the show, that they’re abandoning it like a desperate housewife might flee a dried-up, middle-aged husband with no semblance of a sex drive. And not only that, but it’s receiving a critical mauling too: major TV guides are declaring, in blusteringly dramatic fashion, that they’re ‘done’ with the series, that it’s all just ‘too much’. Too much of what, exactly? Too much good? Too much intelligence? Too much plot for your one-track minds to cope with? Those are the only answers I can muster, especially in light of Monday night’s episode which, in this humble viewer’s opinion, was both a considerable improvement on ‘One of Us, One of Them’ and was rather close to the giddy heights reached by the grandiose season opener. As I’ve mentioned before, it seems the American public is just too damn difficult to please. One week, they bemoan a slow narrative pace. Next week, they bemoan a fast narrative pace. One week, they bemoan repetition of plot elements. Next week, they bemoan that there’s ‘too much different’. Tim Kring must be scratching his head in bemusement. What on Earth is it going to take to please these people? Not fine acting, exciting scripting and stupendous direction, apparently. ‘I Am Become Death’ has these in spades. Zachary Quinto, again, is brilliant, effortlessly shifting between future passive Sylar and the present malicious one, but let’s give a hand to Milo Ventimiglia who, for once, doesn’t utter a single cringe worthy line in the entire episode… AND manages to effectively be three different people utterly convincingly at the same time. The decision to give Peter Sylar’s power is an excellent one, opening up a whole plethora of possibilities for his present day character that can only go a long way toward making him even more interesting. Couple that with Mohinder’s violent transformation into something less than desirable (wow of wows at his black-cloaked future self), kick-ass future Claire’s sinister streak and the dissent between Hiro and Ando and you have a world being turned slowly, but significantly, on its head. Our ‘heroes’ are very much in a state of flux, of potential transformation: one can see the beginnings of their respective paths towards a possible future turn to the dark side. And frankly, I like it. It makes for much more compulsive viewing AND three-dimensionalises the characters. The ‘four years on’ glimpses are all superbly done, as usual, and there are some wonderful contemporary sequences too: of particular note is Tracy Strauss who I continue to warm to with each episode (interesting pun that, I suppose), and also Nathan whose connection to Linderman is sufficiently beguiling to have me thoroughly intrigued. Let’s not forget Matt too, who seems to be connected to our resident speedster and is now following turtles around, and, of course, the appearance of David Anders at episode’s end which, while reinforcing the notion that everyone will always return in Heroes, is still more than welcome given how kick ass his character is. Thoroughly enjoyable stuff all round then; a fast-paced, action-packed (WOAH at the complete devastation of Costa Verde) jamboree of an episode that continues to turn things on their head and keeps the show intelligent and revitalised as a result. Not quite ‘The Second Coming’ or ‘The Butterfly Effect’ but pretty close.

304: ‘I Am Become Death’: 8.8
Wr: Aron Eli Coliete; Dr: Adam Kane

Next week:

No new Prison Break or Terminator but reviews of…

Desperate Housewives 503, South Park 1209, Fringe 105 and Heroes 305

Oi Hocking!

You try spending from 6.30am to 10.30pm out of the house, journeying to and from Canary Wharf (in a suit!) in a single day, then going to work for 7am the next day, then going out to town an hour after you come home, and then start work at 7am the next day too! See if YOU can fit in watching TV programmes and making blog updates!

I jest... I do apologise for the lack of blogging. But I *have* been super busy. Have now watched Heroes, Prison Break and South Park and have a lot to say about all three so I'll be getting round to that at the weekend I expect.

Here's a hot photo of a certain member of McFly to make up for it:

We live to dance another day.

I'd just like to direct your attention...

here

'Long Live the Queen' is by far and away one of the most affecting songs I've heard all year, and I'm glad Mr. Turner has finally gotten round to releasing it as a single. All proceeds go to the Breast Cancer Campaign charity, in honour of the late friend that the track is about, so with your 79p (cheap as chips!), not only can you invest in some quality music, but you can also do a little bit of good. Please join this group and make good on the promise you make when doing so. It's about time the man got the recognition and unabashed adulation that he deserves.

"They took our jobs!"

"Now that's a whore!"

WARNING! Today's classic South Park clip may not be for the faint of heart!

It's goggle box time.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for your weekly American television update courtesy of yours truly. From this point forward, I’ll be collecting the five, six, twenty-seven shows that I watch into one post and summarising my opinions on them as such. Makes my life a little easier and yours too probably: means I don’t ramble on and on endlessly without reaching a point, after all. I’ve already looked at the season premiere of Desperate Housewives in a separate post so we’ll leave that for this instalment but, as of next week, I’ll include it. And maybe True Blood. If I ever get round to watching it. Right! Here we go…

The ailing Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles tossed the rulebook into the radioactive blaze of post-Judgment Day Earth this week by presenting us with an episode in which not one – yes, you read that right, not one – of the central cast were chased through the streets of west coast America by whacked out cyborg killing machines. Instead, Toni Graphia’s ‘Allison from Palmdale’ tried the altogether more dangerous approach of concentrating squarely on character development, weaving together three rather less-than-action-packed, highly introspective narratives with a needle labelled ‘identity’. Yes, the show had a lot to say with the fourth episode of season two, suggesting (a) that we can’t always trust that others are who they say they are, (b) that you can’t escape your past, and that it is as much a part of you as anything present, and finally (c) that those parts of yourself that you wish to deny, both to yourself and to others, will always out in the end. Which would all be fine and dandy really, if Terminator was that kind of show, if it wasn’t marketed as an all-out sci-fi action fest of monumental proportions (maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but you get the point). Now don’t get me wrong, I support Graphia’s attempt to take the series in a different direction, to expand its narratalogical horizons, and the execution of this far more allegorical tale was, for the most part, highly effective. It’s just, when you read reports like these that suggest that the show is heavily in danger of being cancelled, if it’s playing against the viewing habits of its natural demographic, it’s not hard to see why. Since the exciting season opener, The Sarah Connor Chronicles has slouched towards a narrative pace that can only be described as lethargic and, for your average, explosion-lovin’ 18-30 year old, that’s not really going to make you want to return week after week. Granted, the poor scheduling is crippling the programme more than anything (Heroes, Dancing With The Stars and Monday Night Football all play at the same time) but it’s at times like these that the big guns need to be brought out, that the mythology needs to be moved forward, that Thomas Dekker needs to start taking his shirt off again. No amount of Summer Glau demonstrating her fantastic acting ability – this was, after all, very much her episode: she got to effectively play three parts in 45 minutes which is no mean feat – is a substitute for rip-roaring, heart-pounding action… and nor, for that matter, is the continued inclusion of Shirley Manson, whose very clunky performances I am no longer willing to write off as ‘method acting’. This show needs a shot of adrenaline fast or else its future will be as bleak as the one it depicts.

(Oh and, as an aside, how gloriously inappropriate was the leering male prostitute’s sizing up of John? ‘Delicious’, he mused, in as objectifying, and camp, a fashion as possible, just to reiterate that, you know, we pray on the young and innocent and all that… not like I objectify Thomas Dekker at all. Ever. No siree.)

204: ‘Allison from Palmdale’: 7.2
Wr: Toni Graphia; Dr: Charles Beeson

Reports indicate that Prison Break is also suffering heavily from the vast slue of competition in its post-Terminator Monday night slot, and I can only conclude that this is down to one thing: the continued lack of any Marshall Allman whatsoever. Really, guys, where is LJ? What is he doing? Are he and Sofia, his fag hag, wandering around Panama’s thriving gay village, looking for some hot Mexican boys to ‘entertain’? Or has he abandoned her in favour of a trip to Terminatorville, where he’s hunting John Connor, only to blow his brains out in an altogether different kinda fashion (nudge nudge, wink wink)?

Oh sorry, was I daydreaming again? I do apologise. Back to the serious review. So, Prison Break did what it does best yet again, imbuing its forty five minutes with enough false starts, heart-pounding stops and suspenseful trip-ups to keep the viewer riding the rollercoaster of tension for its duration, while also helpfully disguising any potential plot holes or moments of sheer ‘unbelievability’ that may be required in order for the whole thing to work. It’s a very enjoyable recipe, it must be said, and one that benefits from the production staff’s continued ability to play to their specific strengths… and by that, I mean, the casting of William Fichtner. Yet again, he gets a sizeable portion of the story; in fact, the episode itself is structured prominently around Mahone’s capture and the question of his subsequent rescue, and yet again, he’s fantastic. He’s starting to outshine Wentworth Miller (no small feat), and, from the reviews and reports all over the PB message boards, it seems most are quite happy to let him. Certainly, he has the most interesting character arc in the show at the moment and I look forward to seeing where his war of wills with THE BLACK ASSASSIN goes (how deliciously eerie was the ‘pointing gun’ moment?) Elsewhere, T-Bag’s troubles continue to provide mild amusement; the quest for the cards manages to stay fairly fresh (a race track this week… whatever will they think of next?); Don Self gets something interesting to do and the irritating Tancredi wail is nowhere to be seen. Thank the Lord. All we need now is Marshall Allman in his underwear and we’ll be set. Sorry, couldn’t resist. Again.

(Oh and, as another aside, Gretchen – season four’s Kellerman? I really hope not. There’s only so many times ex-Company guys and gals can turn good because their former colleagues wronged them before it all turns rather ridiculous. You’d think they’d learn from their mistakes and just kill off the deadwood rather than risk the repercussions. I’m hoping the writers throw a massive curveball at us with this one and have her on the trail of Michael and his band of merry men… but I have my doubts).

406: ‘Blow Out’: 8.5
Wr: Kalinda Vazquez; Dr: Bryan Spicer

And all we need from Heroes is for Mohinder to keep his pants, his trousers, his shirt and well, his everything on, thank you very much… which, thankfully, this week, he does. So much so, in fact, that he’s not even in the episode. Which I can’t say I’m complaining too much about. What is in ‘One of Them, One of Us’ is, for the most part, rather good however, although it is a far slower, more methodical episode than the rip-roaring season opener. It essentially lays the groundwork for future plot developments and moves important pieces into position, while providing enough intrigue of its own to keep the water cooler busy. Sylar is very much the main talking point here – from finding out that the even-more-evil than usual Angela Petrelli (Christine Rose is, as usual, simply devine, dahling) is his biological mother to teaming up with HRG, the world of the show’s principle villain is turned decidedly on its head and Zachary Quinto rises admirably to the challenges that come along with it. The actor gets a chance to explore the world of the man behind the insanity, to three-dimensionalise Gabriel and offer him his own set of emotional conflicts rather than hanging on to a ‘I hunger for powers’ modus operandi. Partnering him up with Noah Bennet is inspired and, while slightly clunky in light of their history, it works very well, primarily because the two of them have oodles of delightfully mistrusting chemistry. The same can arguably be said of Claire and her biological mother, whose journey of ‘self-discovery’ culminates in a superbly written and directed sequence in which Meredith traps Claire in a burning building and attempts to suffocate her. You know, as moms do. Although the outcome is somewhat telegraphed (and as is Claire’s subsequent rebellion), it is perfectly in keeping with young Bennet’s character and, as a result, is the only logical, and satisfying, result. How logical Matt Parkman’s trip to see African Isaac Mendez is remains up for debate, it must be conceded, but, in all honesty, I have absolutely no issue at all with this particular storyline. It seems to be bugging the hell out of the Heroes fans though, and the complaint generally seems to be that they don’t like the writers repeating powers. Well, to that I say: deal with it. It happened last year with West and Kensei and you weren’t complaining then, were ya? (Actually, they probably were). I don’t feel the need to see an original power with every new hero and, in any case, this guy’s is slightly different. He only sees Parkman’s future, not everyone’s. And in any case, it reintroduces the stunning season one artwork into the show; all the desert sequences are simply beautiful to observe. Oh and before the whiners start, PARKMAN IS NOT NECESSARILY GOING TO PAINT THE FUTURE. His eyes roll back yes, but he’s on his ‘spirit walk’, his journey of discovery. It will probably affect Matt differently (it told the other dude to paint, it didn’t make him paint)… PARKMAN DID NOT TOUCH A BRUSH OF ANY KIND. Don’t get worried yet.

There are some minor problems with ‘One of Us, One of Them’, however, and they largely revolve around the villains and Peter. While the sequence in the bank was rather entertaining, with some nice use of powers (particularly Jesse’s sound manipulation) the narrative was, ultimately, a bit of a damp squib, wasn’t it? After building Jesse up last week, he gets two minutes to show his ‘true force’ and then he’s dead at the hands of Sylar. Not the best decision, guys. The flamethrower’s back in level 5 too, and God knows where Knox is. Really, not enough has been made of these guys, especially given that such gravitas was placed on their escape in the previous episode. Their level of threat was well sold in ‘The Butterfly Effect’… but the ultimate execution leaves something to be desired. I do, however, have faith in the writers: they know what they do, and one imagines they have something else up their collective sleeves (a dozen escaped from Level 5… and Angela’s premonition only included Knox in the line-up of no-gooders who murder our heroes). Hiro and Ando’s narrative was a little lacking too; while it was nice to see the Haitian again, and Daphne continues to be brilliant, the Japanese duo’s squabbling was completely predictable, and the speedster’s taking advantage even more so. The feeling of disappointment at their story is probably a bi-product of slowing the pace of the plot down, allowing for considerable concentration on character development in some areas and downsizing the others to B or C storyline status. There’s nothing essentially wrong with such a process: a more refined, and reflective, episode is produced as a result, but without the benefit of foresight to see where the building blocks being placed will ultimately fit, it can potentially come across as a little lacking. Still, on the whole, this is a well-written and executed hour of a show that continues to excite, intrigue and beguile.

303: ‘One of Us, One of Them’: 8.3
Wr: Joe Pokaski; Dr: Sergio Mimica-Gezzan

And speaking of beguiling… well, wasn’t that quite the complex episode of Fringe this week, ladies and gentlemen? Weird suppository-shaped metallic missiles that explode downwards, men with machines that can read minds and bald dudes who taste and feel very little, scribble alien gibberish on notepads and say what you’re going to say before you say it. Slightly unusual, it might be said, to most of us but it’s all in a day’s work for J.J. Abrams, the man responsible for polar bears on tropical islands, monsters made of smoke that transmit electricity and tear men to pieces and, lest we forget, a 15^th century engineer who foretold contemporary scientific advances. Now he’s the author of what is, without a shadow of doubt, the best instalment of this series yet; an hour of entertainment so gosh darn odd that you just can’t help but watch on in wonder as every layer of a decidedly dense puzzle is peeled, only to reveal another fifty or so beneath. And there isn’t even a whiff of Massive Dynamic in sight. What there is is deliciously tense, however: threatening the lives of the central cast is an inspired decision, as is the refusal to provide explanation for a large proportion of the events. Do we know who The Observer is by episode’s end? Do we hell. Are we any closer to understanding the purpose of the ‘missile’ or ‘beacon’? Dream on, optimist. But all of this cryptic teasing only serves to enrich ‘The Arrival’, and Fringe itself, even more: it virtually guarantees that you’ll return next week in an effort to ascertain some understanding of the situation. There’s also the added bonus of the focus on Walter and Peter’s somewhat fragile relationship, and it’s handled beautifully. These are by far the best scenes John Noble and Joshua Jackson have had so far, as Noble is largely free from the ‘wacky’ comedy beats he normally has to attempt to convincingly portray, and is allowed more scope to explore the inner workings of the genius scientist’s psychiatry. Jackson proves he’s a more than capable match for him too; the scenes in the jail cell and at the episode’s close in particular are absolutely spot on. What in lesser actors’ hands could seem hokum (‘I’ve got daddy issues!’) is made achingly believable by these two imminently talented individuals. And then there’s the shit-the-bed moment at the end that just caps it all off perfectly. Marvellous. And to think I had my reservations about this show; ‘The Arrival’ put pay to a large proportion of those, and now I can’t wait to find out more. What was an interesting curiosity is now absolute must see TV. Check it out, I dares ya.

(And you’ll get the chance to for another few weeks at least: FOX just picked up the show for a full 22 episode season).

104: ‘The Arrival’: 9.0
Wr: J.J. Abrams & Jeff Pinkner; Dr: Paul Edwards