Let's get televisual.

Well fellow goggleboxers, wasn’t that an eventful week in the land of exciting new American televisual entertainment? South Park came kicking and screaming back out of the confines of Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s really rather disturbed hive mind and upset a lot of people in the process, Heroes divided fans and critics alike even further by throwing us into yet another interpretation of the future, and Prison Break… well, suffice to say, while general consensus appears to be that ‘Five The Hard Way’ was the most impressive episode of the season so far, a few of us (10%, more than likely) had a number of significant bones to pick with a few of its, shall we say, less tasteful plot points. Plenty for us to chew over then, and not even a whiff of J.J. Abrams to be found anywhere: yup, that’s right, no new episode of Fringe this week I’m afraid, X-Files fans… and that’s rather disappointing too, given that episode four actually had me gagging for more. Still, onwards and upwards… but before we get onto the more salient talking points of the week, there’s Terminator and Desperate Housewives to get out of the way.

And yes, that was rather harsh. Episode five of The Thomas Dekker Show, ‘Goodbye To All That’ is certainly an improvement on the somewhat lacklustre ‘Allison from Palmdale’ and no, that’s not because we get to see Dekker running around in combat fatigues and sweating a lot (and how about the way he effortlessly handles a firearm, eh? I wonder what else he’s an expert at handling… ahem), and nor is it due to the show’s FIFTY TWO MINUTES OF BRAND SPANKING NEW ENTERTAINMENT, instead of the usual forty five. No, this instalment manages to grace the presence of the 8/10 league simply because it marries character development with plot development and, while slightly predictable in places, gives us access to emotions and perspectives that were previously only implied. Dekker and particularly Brian Austin Green get a chance to shine with some material that exposes their characters’ inner-workings: the horror of their experiences, their fears, the tiring nature of what they do. Green’s sequence with the trigger-happy cadets is spine-chillingly believable and their shared moment in the car toward episode’s end perfectly pitched for optimum poignancy. It’s good to see young John Connor given a level of depth that was previously lacking from the show, particularly in series one, and it only strengthens the viewer’s belief in Dekker as a perfect representation of the role. On the flipside of the narrative coin, of course, we have Sarah’s internal struggle with the ethics of kidnapping a young child, and her own insecurities at her suitability for parenthood, which certainly feel more worthwhile than last week’s sojourn into mawkish flippancy in the form of the pregnancy storyline. While the plot itself didn’t really do anything for the overall arc of the show – and in fact, didn’t really go anywhere within the confines of the 52 minutes – I wasn’t sufficiently frustrated by its pace that I wanted started throwing things at the TV, shouting “get Dekker’s shirt off!” like I may previously have been inclined to. Which is probably a good thing. And then, of course, there are the glimpses into the Skynet-torn future (always a bonus), super bad ass Terminator dude going ape-shit left, right and centre and a chance for Shirley Manson to do what she does best: keep her mouth shut and murder people in the most gut-wrenchingly sadistic way. Pity she did actually get some lines, otherwise we may have had a virtually perfect recipe on our hands… as it stands though, ‘Goodbye To All That’ is a fine example of why FOX needs to persevere with this show and give it time to grow. Good things come to those who wait, after all.

205: ‘Goodbye To All That’: 8.5
Wrs: Zack Stentz & Ashley Edward Miller; Dr: Bill Eagles

Which is what I keep saying to myself when I watch Desperate Housewives. And that’s not just because Shawn Pyfrom continues to get all of about two minutes of screen-time per episode (sorry Marc Cherry, suits do absolutely nothing for me… get the boy playing pre-coital video games in bed with his super hot boyfriend again, thanks!) Season five’s second stopover in Wysteria Lane wasn’t much more eventful than the rather disappointing first: honestly, what did we really get to sink our teeth into this week? Susan agonising over her Queer as Folk USA boyfriend’s new found rapport with her ex-husband? Well, while it at least made a refreshing change from the ‘let’s fight over the woman like a pair of Neanderthals’ thread that usually comes of these things, I’m genetically pre-disposed to hating the whole storyline anyway as (a) it involves Mike Delphino who I’ve had about enough of and (b) we all know this is all just going to end in Susan’s – what is it, fourth or fifth? – reunion with her so-called ‘soulmate’. I’m tired of it, we’re tired of it, hell, even they’re tired of it. Cherry really dropped the ball by separating the pair rather than taking the brave leap and killing Mike off, or even just doing a Monica and Chandler and keeping them together. It’s not such a crazy notion, you know. What else? Gabrielle mourns days gone by when she could swan around ‘important’ parties looking beautiful. Boo bleeding hoo. I was hoping we could skip all the self-pity and explore the Solis’ family life a little more, especially given how well executed their storyline was in the season premiere. Too much to ask, it seems. Instead, we get a highly predictable tread through narratalogical shores of old, although it must be acknowledged that the pay-off sequence between the couple in their car is rather nicely done. Elsewhere, Edie’s new husband continued on his journey down the ‘whack out’ highway with his admonishing of Mrs McClusky which, while having its moments, was completely telegraphed from the get go (it must surely be only the character herself who didn’t see the return of her cat as an inevitability following her apology), and Porter proved to be a poetry fan – a nice, surprising slice of character development – but, of course, blundering Lynette had to ruin it all. In, you guessed it, desperately predictable style. Would it kill the writers to throw a few curveballs at us? Does the show really need to be this, well, safe? They do flex their muscles and show their mettle with poor Bree’s problems with her husband; their closing scenes in particular are an echo of the triumphs of old, brilliantly acted and directed by all and, it must be noted, decidedly disturbing. Orson’s cold commands, his insistence that his tired partner tend to his needs, is completely unexpected and partially saves the episode as a result. More of this please guys, and less that could’ve been written in your sleep, thanks.

SHAWN PYFROM VISIBILITY WATCH: LOW

We'd better make up for it...

502: ‘We’re So Happy You’re So Happy’: 6.9
Wr: Alexandra Cunningham; Dr: David Grossman

And that goes for you too, Matt and Trey. You didn’t think banging on about how much you hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and throwing in a few jokes about the Chinese was really gonna cut the mustard, did you? I mean, come on… this is South Park, for crying out loud! Your baby. One of the greatest comedy shows of all time; arguably the greatest at the moment. We expect more… and with bloody good reason. You have proven yourselves capable of writing some of the most hilarious, and simultaneously most meaningful, twenty minutes ever committed to film in the twelve years that you’ve been churning out the stories of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Eric and co. All it takes is a little effort. And yeah, okay, maybe you were struggling for ideas… we all know that’s not a rare occurrence, given the details we are treated to in your DVD commentaries. But to return from a six or so month break and get ‘The China Probrem’? Nah ah, that’s just not good enough, I’m afraid. The episode could’ve been so much more. Cartman and Butters’ attempts to educate the American population on the dangers presented by the Chinese could’ve been absolutely hilarious had a number of different scenarios been delineated; instead, they were kept in the confines of the Chinese restaurant where a few throwaway gags about Americans working for the owners, and then the police, and the occasional, mildly amusing, inappropriate impersonation was supposed to be enough to have our sides-splitting. Sorry, it really wasn’t. And then there’s the choice of character couplet, which is normally an absolute sure-fire winner. Throwing Cartman and Butters together has produced some absolute comedy gold in the past but sadly, not here. Apart from a smirk-raising sequence with Butters in the bath, all we really get to tickle us is Butters shooting people… IN THE DICK. Which, yeah, you really don’t do. Had this happened once, it would’ve been a talking point, a moment to remember. Having it occur over and over and over again just nullified its effect and well, made me bored. By the time Cartman got round to imparting what he had learned to an unsuspecting Butters, frankly, I couldn’t have cared less. Sure, it was a nice point and should be sufficient to silence all the idiots who watched the show and complained about its ‘blatant racism’ (you wonder whether these folks put their brains in the freezer or something before sitting down in front of the TV…) but one good allegorical moment does not a good episode make. And neither, frankly, does the Indiana Jones stuff which suffers from exactly the same problem as its narratalogical counterpoint: far, far too much repetition. The build up was expertly done: I certainly didn’t see the identity of the ‘raped friend’ coming and, when the revelation was made, the sheer ridiculousness of it did have me laughing. Quite a bit, actually. Furthermore, the sequence in the cinema was a treat for those who were equally incensed by the movie’s 50 foot pole vault, never mind jump, over the shark, and Jimmy’s ‘do you remember that scene with Indiana in the refrigerator?’ was classic, but then it all went rather downhill. Sure guys, one shot of Spielberg and Lucas literally raping Harrison Ford may have been funny… but three, four, five? I don’t care if they’re all in different locations as per different movies… the joke wore extremely thin very, very quick. And even making the boys’ assertion that Indy was ‘raped’ into a literal joke was questionable: keeping it metaphorical, and exaggerating the parts of the movie that were ridiculous, would arguably have made for far better comedy. ‘The China Probrem’ feels like a rushed piece of work: one or two ideas with potential simply repeated continually until that potential is worn down. Granted, it was controversial and yes, anything that calls Spielberg and Lucas on their continuing efforts to destroy their previous works has got to be looked upon as a force for good, but as a South Park episode? This was decidedly below par. Let’s hope things improve next week.

1208: ‘The China Probrem’: 5.0
Wr: Trey Parker; Dr: Trey Parker

Now then. I’ve been mulling over exactly what to write in this particular paragraph since about 10.30 on Thursday night, when Gretchen demanded T-Bag’s release and the screen cut to black on the seventh new episode of Prison Break in a row (don’t get too excited about that guys… no new ep next week). First of all, I’ll get the plaudits out of the way. ‘Five The Hard Way’ is, for the most part, an exceptionally well-written episode. It picks up the overall narrative pace dramatically, and expertly marries the A story, retrieving the Scylla cards, with one of the B stories, T-Bag’s infiltration of GATE. It’s good to see the show’s biggest hitters thrown together once more, and the actors pull it off admirably: when Michael is held captive by T-Bag, the chemistry between the two threatens to burn a hole in your television set. There’s the added bonus, of course, of this providing the viewer with some answers relating to the importance of GATE (and also, as a bi-product, Michael’s illness), and by episode’s end, separate strands start to be drawn together in a highly satisfying way. There’s Gretchen too, of course, who thankfully hasn’t mellowed in her post-Company escape and is as psychotic a crazy bitch as she ever was (take for your two examples the cold determination in her eyes as she severs the throat of the GATE employee, or the malicious glee with which she cuts open Theodore’s arm). And let’s not forget Don Self and The General, which plays out just perfectly: the scene in the Company big-wig’s office, in particular, is wonderfully thrilling. I’m warming more and more to Mr. Self with each week and am starting to be of the belief that he could be one of the show’s most memorable characters. All good stuff then, and a recipe for edge-of-your-seat success… and then they went to Vegas. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with the change of locale, or indeed the blatant exploitation of their presence in that locale (were all those long, lingering shots of the city really necessary?), nor do I take umbrage with Roland’s little life of petty gambling crime. What I’m not too sure of is poor, poor Jude Ciccollella. While it was good to see Mike from 24 back on our screens again in some form, someone needs to fire his agent for putting him forward for the role of ‘pervy homo/bizarre pimp daddy’ pronto.

Right. Let’s cut to the chase. A large proportion of this narrative made me uncomfortable… and at first, I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. There’s the sleaze element to begin: the manner with which the director chooses to portray Jude’s apparent sexual interest in Sucre. Now, one could make accusations of stereotypical representation here; that the show is reinforcing the notion that ‘gay’ automatically equals ‘fornicate, fornicate, fornicate’. But then, the narratalogical context should also be considered. The objective is to woo him and, significantly, this had already been attempted with Sara. Her flirtation, while far more subtle than Sucre removing his top, flexing his muscles and the camera zooming in on his bum, was sexual objectification nevertheless and therefore places the ‘gay’ element on an equal footing. Then there’s Sucre’s hesitation, nay revulsion, at the notion of pretending to be a homo. Perfectly in keeping with his character, I say, and also none of the other characters even batted an eyelid. So… all clear, right? Wrong. Then they entered the bedroom and everything really started to fall apart. Having set up the notion of Sucre playing ‘boy toy’ to the gay man, they include the remark ‘this is Vegas… any kind of pleasure is acceptable here’ (or words to that effect), implying somehow that this sort of desire wouldn’t be acceptable elsewhere. Not a good move, guys but equally, not the worst they make. No, their error is in the thread’s pay-off, the sudden, inexplicably bizarre revelation that actually, this guy has a wife, can’t pleasure anyone due to an accident AND WANTS SUCRE TO INSERT HIS MANLY MAN PENIS INTO HER FOR GRATIFICATION. What the holy mother of fuck? Let me just get my head around that again… Jude took one look at Sucre, thought ‘oh, my wife would love to be penetrated by that guy who keeps looking at me suggestively and is probably a raging queer’, suggestively looked at him in response and offered him some money to get jiggy (thinking that Sucre would believe he would be getting jiggy with him), and then threw the revelation of heterosexual lovin’ on an apparently homosexual man?! What? None of this makes any sense whatsoever… and furthermore, it’s excessively misogynistic. “Oh yeah, I can’t do the manly thing and insert something in one of her holes, which obviously she needs in order to get by, I mean come on, how can she live without having an erect penis shoved up her every day?, so come on in, enjoy the fun, FUCK MY WOMAN.” Honestly, if the girl is so sexually frustrated and deprived, can’t she go find HERSELF some fun? Isn’t she capable of winning the hearts of ex-con Mexicans WHO HAVE WOMEN THEY SUPPOSEDLY LOVED DEARLY TWENTY MINUTES AGO AND HAVE A CHILD WITH?! (Yeah writers, dropped the ball on this character, didn’t you?) Or is it just that sick, depraved Jude enjoys picking up men he believes to be homo? Does he want to watch? Who knows?

Certainly not the writers, one expects. The fact is, this narrataillogical U-turn stinks of being backed into a corner and feeling the need to make a hasty retreat. Heaven forbid the guy might actually have been gay and, even worse, woe of woes, that Sucre may have had do a little bit of entertaining while the card was downloading, which, let’s admit and all breathe a collective, heterosexist sigh of relief, would only have been for a matter of minutes anyway (it would’ve constituted what, say, a small peck on the lips and maybe a bit of an ass-grab? I think I’d be willing to do that with a woman if it meant my freedom…) We couldn’t have that, no, so instead we have a penis-less codger with a stunning wife WHO MUST HAVE COCK OR ELSE SHE’LL EXPLODE. Or something. Pimp daddy Cicollella, giving his woman just what she needs. And Sucre is more than happy to give it to her: the glee with which the line ‘you want me to bang your wife?’ is delivered is decidedly telling: not only does it reek of rampaging, testosterone-fuelled sexism but it’s treated as the moment with which the audience can relax from their supposed ‘unease’ with the dreaded notion of homosexuality and thank the Lord we’re back to good, wholesome, heterosexual intercourse. What a fucking relief. This almost ruined the episode for me in all honesty, and you might think that’s going a bit overboard. But think about it… a man being instructed to fuck someone’s wife by her husband is considered more ‘wholesome’, if you will, than the notion of two consenting same-sex adults going at it. It’s a minute detail in an episode chocked full of plot movement goodness but it’s one that still rankles with me now. And I’m sorry, but I can’t conscionably overlook it. Bye bye 1.5 points.

MARSHALL ALLMAN VISIBILITY WATCH: NON-EXISTENT

Oh well, looks like we're gonna have to get serious. Shirtless AND in underpants needed I think...

407: ‘Five The Hard Way’: 7.5
Wr: Christian Trokey; Dr: Garry A. Brown

The vast majority of Prison Break’s viewing audience can overlook it, however, and that’s why the TV.com reviews are mostly into the 9s and sing ‘Five The Hard Way’s praises from the rooftops as the best episode of the season yet. Shame we can’t say the same about Heroes, whose fan base seems absolutely determined to drive the show to an early grave. The forums are awash with folks proclaiming that they are fed up with the show, that they’re abandoning it like a desperate housewife might flee a dried-up, middle-aged husband with no semblance of a sex drive. And not only that, but it’s receiving a critical mauling too: major TV guides are declaring, in blusteringly dramatic fashion, that they’re ‘done’ with the series, that it’s all just ‘too much’. Too much of what, exactly? Too much good? Too much intelligence? Too much plot for your one-track minds to cope with? Those are the only answers I can muster, especially in light of Monday night’s episode which, in this humble viewer’s opinion, was both a considerable improvement on ‘One of Us, One of Them’ and was rather close to the giddy heights reached by the grandiose season opener. As I’ve mentioned before, it seems the American public is just too damn difficult to please. One week, they bemoan a slow narrative pace. Next week, they bemoan a fast narrative pace. One week, they bemoan repetition of plot elements. Next week, they bemoan that there’s ‘too much different’. Tim Kring must be scratching his head in bemusement. What on Earth is it going to take to please these people? Not fine acting, exciting scripting and stupendous direction, apparently. ‘I Am Become Death’ has these in spades. Zachary Quinto, again, is brilliant, effortlessly shifting between future passive Sylar and the present malicious one, but let’s give a hand to Milo Ventimiglia who, for once, doesn’t utter a single cringe worthy line in the entire episode… AND manages to effectively be three different people utterly convincingly at the same time. The decision to give Peter Sylar’s power is an excellent one, opening up a whole plethora of possibilities for his present day character that can only go a long way toward making him even more interesting. Couple that with Mohinder’s violent transformation into something less than desirable (wow of wows at his black-cloaked future self), kick-ass future Claire’s sinister streak and the dissent between Hiro and Ando and you have a world being turned slowly, but significantly, on its head. Our ‘heroes’ are very much in a state of flux, of potential transformation: one can see the beginnings of their respective paths towards a possible future turn to the dark side. And frankly, I like it. It makes for much more compulsive viewing AND three-dimensionalises the characters. The ‘four years on’ glimpses are all superbly done, as usual, and there are some wonderful contemporary sequences too: of particular note is Tracy Strauss who I continue to warm to with each episode (interesting pun that, I suppose), and also Nathan whose connection to Linderman is sufficiently beguiling to have me thoroughly intrigued. Let’s not forget Matt too, who seems to be connected to our resident speedster and is now following turtles around, and, of course, the appearance of David Anders at episode’s end which, while reinforcing the notion that everyone will always return in Heroes, is still more than welcome given how kick ass his character is. Thoroughly enjoyable stuff all round then; a fast-paced, action-packed (WOAH at the complete devastation of Costa Verde) jamboree of an episode that continues to turn things on their head and keeps the show intelligent and revitalised as a result. Not quite ‘The Second Coming’ or ‘The Butterfly Effect’ but pretty close.

304: ‘I Am Become Death’: 8.8
Wr: Aron Eli Coliete; Dr: Adam Kane

Next week:

No new Prison Break or Terminator but reviews of…

Desperate Housewives 503, South Park 1209, Fringe 105 and Heroes 305