Jabberwocky

For Laura.

The Tales of Jeweeavop Vagonadgroins

Part One

Jeweeavop Vagonadgroins was having a hard day at the office. Labianair, her multi-million dollar business venture, had made a loss as a result of considerable jizmy activity in the trout-catching market that her department had invested in only eighteen months ago. Her assistant Muffy had given her a collection of Kleenex tissues in an attempt to ease the pain but sadly, Jeweeavop found that she would rather hang herself than take anything from Muffy, for she did smell rather pungently of the cabbage. More troublingly, Jeweeavop had a particular penchant for 'hoicking' the Kochs around on the sixteenth floor, and had already snuck out on her lunch break that day in order to do so, and by this point, the flooring of the place had become somewhat scrotalled. This was troubling her, though she was perhaps worrying unnecessarily. The floor was not completely scrotalled, as the droids had dropped in earlier to fix the underfloor heating.

Like most people and things she encountered, Jeweeavop did not get on with the droids. Aireet was a particular problem as he did not see eye to eye with her quim. Her quim was full and thick, whereas Aireet believed it should be runny like thin custard. Jeweeavop organised her quim regularly, much to Aireet's despair. On this day, her quim was surprisingly non-viscous and this only added to her woes. Quiffetidbrainer the Third, the MP who owned the office, was aware of Jeweeavop's consternation with her quim and had chosen to give her personal space to get over these troubles and her period. Quiffetidbrainer, who did not particularly understand beings of the female variety, was often known to insist that, "women on their periods are no good to anyone. They simply cannot make a good cup of tea if they are constantly bleeding all over the kettle."