Top 50 albums of 2009, part six (10-6)

10. BIFFY CLYRO: Only Revolutions

It may not manage to reach the lofty heights of 'Puzzle' but then, when you've made one of the very best records of the last twenty or so years, it's always going to be a bit of a challenge to follow it. Still, 'Only Revolutions' is a mighty fine album and one that's more than worthy of your undivided attention. The opening salvo of 'The Captain', absolutely the pop song of the year, and 'That Golden Rule', probably the rock song of the year (check out that orchestral closing minute!) is freaking orgasmic. And then there's the ludicrously anthemic 'Bubbles', the beautifully tender 'God and Satan', last year's greatest rock record 'Mountains', epic ballad 'Many of Horror', the utterly absurd, but unfathomably brilliant, 'Born on a Horse'... the list goes on and on. This is an album packed to the brim with opulence; with delicious feasts for the ears. Forget your reservations, Biffy purists, and let its playful charm sweep right over you. You'll feel better for it. Honest.

9. SUCIOPERRO: Pain Agency

‘Pain Agency’ is an utterly terrifying record, laying bare a veritable horror show of human excess and depravity, delving deep into decidedly disturbing thematic territory and unleashing a tidal wave of criminally intense, magnificently harrowing guitar noise to soundtrack it. This is certainly no easy listen, but this is exactly what gives the record its power. From the lilting acoustic sway of ‘Conception Territory’ to the death metal tones of the thoroughly evil ‘Mum’s Bad Punk Music’, ‘Pain Agency’ refuses to be pigeonholed, taking the listener on a gloriously sporadic sensory journey and, for all the ride may be a harrowing one, it proves all the more rewarding for it. Pain never sounded, or felt, quite this good.

8. IDLEWILD: Post Electric Blues

For album number six, Idlewild tend to stick to what they do best, marrying larger-than-life hooks with glitzy, punchy guitar pop. 'Post Electric' owes more to 'Warnings/Promises' than previous release 'Make Another World'; its palate is less immediate and sonically intense, embracing the folky introspection of Woomble's solo work as much as providing guiltless rock thrills, but this only makes the album that much more interesting. Rod's wonderful guitar stabs are often accompanied by tinkles on the ivories, as in the lovely 'City Hall'. There are experiments with brass and unusual percussion, elements that make lead single 'Readers and Writers' such a joy, and there is female vocal accompaniment, provided by the effortlessly talented Heidi Talbot, which adds a fresh dimension to the band's sound. She accentuates the power of wistful ballad 'Take Me Back to the Islands' but, perhaps more impressively, actually manages to make something glorious out of a series of 'la la la's, which is all she provides on 'Younger than America', the album's superlatively anthemic opener. Somehow, her minuscule contribution seems gargantuan, giving the track a sort of rapturous feel that sends shivers down the spine. It may take a few listens but it'll soon become apparent that yet again, the Scotsmen have created something truly special.

7. SILVERSUN PICKUPS: Swoon

Swooning its way into our hearts (hah... see what I did there? *tumbleweed*), Silversun Pickups' latest offering is a veritable treasure trove of musical delights, taking the listener on a roller coaster ride that's highly demanding on the emotions. The eerie melodrama of 'There's No Secrets This Year' soon gives way to the full throttle agony of 'The Royal We' and 'Panic Switch', before taking in the tragically quiet despair of 'Draining' and 'Catch and Release'. There's crushing agony too: 'It's Nice To Know You Work Alone' has probably one of the greatest hooks of the year, but singer Brian Aubert's creepily high pitched vocal transforms it into something unrelentingly terrifying. A wonderfully rich and expertly demanding record that ultimately provides many, many rewards.

6. FUTURE OF THE LEFT: Travels With Myself and Another

Jack Egglestone is an angry man. Quite what he’s angry about, however, is anyone’s guess. The latest batch of aggressive, scuzzy noise rock to come out of the Future of the Left camp is as deliciously oblique and frustratingly nonsensical as always; traversing a minefield of guttural rants without really explaining just what on Earth’s got the boys so incredibly riled. Listening to ‘Travels with Myself and Another’ is sort of like wandering into a blistering domestic row halfway through, and not knowing anything about any of the parties involved. The lyrics are replete with didactic, accusatory exclamations, often directed at specific individuals (the stingingly pinpointed Rick of ‘Arming Eritrea’, ‘Throwing Bricks at Trains’’ Reginald J. Trucksfield) and contain frankly bizarre concepts: ‘Drink Nike’? You what? ‘He’s one of a kind/He’s got chin music’? Excuse me? Would someone mind explaining to me just what the fudge is going on? Of course, it doesn't matter really. Fact is, 'Travels' rocks like one hell of a bastard, spunking all over your poor unsuspecting stereo for thirty five purely visceral minutes. F-ing fantastic.

Top 50 albums of 2009, part five (15-11)

15. FAKE PROBLEMS: It's Great To Be Alive

Sounding like the bastard love child of about a dozen of your favourite bands - Against Me!, Gogol Bordello, Flogging Molly, even The Arcade Fire and Frank Turner at times - it's quite remarkable that Fake Problems have actually managed to create an album that so deftly delineates an identity of their own. 'It's Great To Be Alive' is a rapturous record, bursting with life and bristling with ingenuity. You just can't help but fall for its illustrious charms and in so doing, you'll probably end up feeling a whole heck of a lot better too.

14. MUMFORD AND SONS: Sigh No More

London's Mumford and Sons make the kind of gritty, grass-roots folk music that gives Conor Oberst, nay Bob Dylan, morning glory. 'Sigh No More' is an astutely cohesive collection of impassioned songs that feels truly heartfelt. Whether they're raging against injustice or turning the microscope inwards, this ragtag bunch always command your attention and will have you repeating every one of their delightfully addictive refrains for eons.

13. PROPAGANDHI: Supporting Caste

In a year that's been unusually quiet, or perhaps more accurately, somewhat disappointing, on the punkier side of that rock 'n' roll thang, thank the heavens for Propagandhi, the most consistent bunch of serially pissed off noiseniks we have. There's no other way to describe 'Supporting Caste' than as fucking brutal: the riffs are almost metal-esque in their ludicrous flamboyance, while the rhythm guitars sound like they're unloading shotgun shells into your skull. Typically, this is a highly political record and one that is angry about, well, pretty much everything, and it's all the more amazing for it. Definitely one to crank up to full volume on your iPod headphones while on any form of public transport and watch the carnage ensue.

12. THE TWILIGHT SAD: Forget The Night Ahead

Who needs Glasvegas when you've got these Scottish miserabilists? 'Forget The Night Ahead' does seem to borrow a fair deal from the world's favourite Glaswegians but given that their self-titled debut was one of the best things about 2008, and probably the decade, can you really blame them? So this achingly pained debut is awash with My Bloody Valentine guitars and cold, bittersweet melodies; you know, the sort that make you cry your bloody eyes out during 'It's My Own Cheating Heart...' and 'Daddy's Gone'. 'Reflection of the Television', 'I Became A Prostitute', 'Made to Disappear'... they all hold their own against Glasvegas's finest and have the sort of epic heart that guaratees you'll come back for more.

11. TWIN ATLANTIC: Vivarium

Twin Atlantic capture the exquisite essence of their music by giving as succinct a statement as possible, thereby whetting our appetites perfectly. Simultaneously delicate, gargantuan, moving and absurd, ‘Vivarium’ is a gorgeously rich record, a near flawless snapshot of a band destined for greatness. Treasure this hidden gem while you still can.

Top 50 Albums of 2009, part four (20-16)

Okay, so I sort of lied when I said this would be published in five parts. Sue me. It's gonna be seven. Probably. Look, I just don't have time to write about ten albums today; especially those in the top twenty, the big guns, the ones that need more attention. However, instead of just abandoning it altogether, I thought I'd give my loyal readers (sorry, reader) something to chew over this evening. So here's positions 20 to 16. Deal with it.

20. FLOOD OF RED: Leaving Everything Behind

There's an eerie undercurrent running through this record and it's manifested in the unusually scuzzy nature of much of the music. While the guitars are certainly heavy enough to give your head a good seeing to, they also sound distinctly wayward, as if they've been swept up in a hurricane before being unleashed on your poor, unsuspecting ears. 'Leave Everything Behind' gives the impression of a band who are light years ahead of the majority of their peers. There's intensity, diversity and a surprisingly skilled grasp of evocation; at times, you can feel the weight of the their experiences bearing down on the record, like a millstone slung heavily around its neck.

19. WHITE LIES: To Lose My Life

Fortunately for White Lies, while close scrutiny of their lyrics may make you want to reach for the nearest razorblade, simply listening to the music, letting the album wash over you per se, proves to be a far less hazardous and distinctly enjoyable experience. It's little surprise that the nation has taken the band to its collective heart, and this record to number one no less, when you consider that their sound marries the universalist catharsis of Glasvegas with the 80s synth stylings of the Killers, stopping off at Joy Division's miserablist boutique and Editors' angular, wiry guitar store along the way. With such big name influences, it's hard to go wrong; the resultant hybrid is one that transforms delicate melodies into explosive rhythms, firing huge choruses and memorable hooks left, right and centre.

18. THE CRIBS: Ignore the Ignorant

'Ignore the Ignorant' sees The Cribs consolidating the success of 'Men's Needs, Women's Needs, Whatever', taking advantage of the addition of one absolutely superlative guitarist in order to intensify their sound. The album doesn't exactly traverse pastures new; Marr's contributions tend to complement rather than diversify, but this is arguably its greatest asset. Instead of panicking about their position in the indie Zeitgeist, worrying about whether they'll sell records in the current electronica-obsessed climate, The Cribs remain steadfast, doing their own thing, on their own time, on their own terms. The record is a cornucopia of the band's strengths, an aggressive and unkempt cyclone of calamitous guitars, awkward vocals and contradictory melodies. Is it a match for 'Men's Needs...'? The jury's still out, but it's a damn fine record all the same.

17. GALLOWS: Grey Britain

As riotously provocative as 'Orchestra of Wolves', only about ten times as focused, 'Grey Britain' is Gallows' mission statement, their thundering rallying cry to the masses. Amongst a sea of abrasive guitars and infuriated vocals, there is a notable sense of unity, generated by the record's unrelentingly visceral lyrical content. This is 21st Century Britain at its most brutal and most honest; as horrifyingly naked a portrait as you are ever likely to find.

16. GRIZZLY BEAR: Veckatimest

2009's 'Summer record', if you are to believe the hype, but there's far more to 'Veckatimest' than a mere superficial sense of euphoria. The album is doused in myriad shades, shards and shapes of emotion, producing a rather mind-bending listening experience. At times uplifting, and at others decidedly grim, Grizzly Bear's latest will have you returning time and again for more, each revisit uncovering new treasures. Deliciously ethereal.

POKE December setlist (19/12/09)

Most of what we played is listed below.

Beck: E-Pro
Franz Ferdinand: This Fire
Laura Veirs: Phantom Mountain
My Brightest Diamond: Inside A Boy
Telepopmusik: Genetic World
Stereolab: Rainbow Conversation
Beirut: Carousels
Dirty Projectors: Knotty Pine
Charlotte Hatherley: White
Golden Silvers: Arrows of Eros
Modest Mouse: Dashboard
Grammatics: D.I.L.E.M.M.A.
The National: Squalor Victoria
Les Savy Fav: Disco Drive
Blood Red Shoes: It's Getting Boring By The Sea
We Were Promised Jetpacks: Quiet Little Voices
The Xcerts: Nightschool
Sucioperro: The Dissident Code
The XX: Basic Space
Devo: Satisfaction
Beck: Cellphone's Dead (Jamie Ledel Remix)
Feist: Feel It All (Escort Mix)
Pulsallama: Devil Lives In My Husband's Body
Sally Shapiro: Skating In The Moonshine (Solvent Mix)
Sufjan Stevens: Blood (Buck 65 Mix)
Fischerspooner: Emerge (DFA Remix)
Kate Wax: Bodies In Grace
Placebo: Pure Morning (LRD Remix)
Neon Neon: I Lust U
Telepathe: Grome's Quit
Wild Beasts: Devil's Crayon
David Bowie: Jump They Say
Gorillaz: Dirty Harry
Nina Simone: Little Girl Blue (Postal Service Remix)
Amy Winehouse: In My Bed
Otis Redding: Hard To Handle
Royksopp: What Else Is There?
The Arcade Fire: Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out)
We Are Scientists: Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt
Interpol: Obstacle 1
Foals: Cassius
Vampire Weekend: Cousins
Lightning Dust: I Knew
Metric: Sick Muse
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart: Come Saturday
Eels: Going Fetal
The Flaming Lips: Yeah Yeah Yeah Song
La Roux: Quicksand (Remix)
Sebastien Tellier: Kilometer
Tiga: Shoes
Grace Jones: William's Blood
PJ Harvey: Kamikaze
Metric: Gold Guns Girls
Blur: Song 2
Arctic Monkeys: I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor
Editors: Blood
MGMT: Kids
Friendly Fires: Paris
Sleater-Kinney: Pompeii
Bjork: Army of Me
Dresden Dolls: Necessary Evil
The Long Blondes: Once and Never Again
Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Date With The Night
The Clash: Janie Jones
The Ramones: The KKK Took My Baby Away
Blondie: Call Me
The Smiths: Panic
The Cure: Inbetween Days
New Order: True Faith
Mystery Jets: Two Doors Down
Radiohead: Bodysnatchers
Arctic Monkeys: Brianstorm
Kings of Leon: Red Morning Light
Joy Division: Transmission
Maximo Park: Apply Some Pressure
The Strokes: Last Nite
The Pixies: Debaser

Top 50 Albums of 2009, part three (30-21)

30. GIRLS: Album

Another blogosphere favourite, Girls make glitzy, ambisexual indie pop with melodies to die for. 'Album' is a distinctly mature debut, packed to the brim with the kind of colossal choruses that usually take years to master.

29. THE PAINS OF BEING PURE AT HEART: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Channelling the spirits of Morrissey, Marr, Robert Smith and the entire rhythm section of My Bloody Valentine, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart amalgamate adorably innocent lyricism (just listen to 'Everything With You'.. bless their cottons!) with straight-ahead indie-punk, and the results are gorgeous.

28. EELS: Hombre Lobo

With 'Hombre Lobo', E proves, for about the millionth time, that he can do absolutely no wrong. Combining quirky storytelling with dirty rock 'n' roll, the album sees a return to the scuzzier palate of 'Souljacker', and that's by no means a bad thing. It's also a concept record about desire, partly inspired by E's ever-expanding facial hair. Now how many other bands can turn that idea into something so brilliant?

27. LIGHTNING DUST: Infinite Light

If it weren't for Skins, Lightning Dust would've passed under our radar and by God, what a crime that would have been. 'I Knew' is the soundtrack to the season four trailer and on the strength of its frankly bizarre ability to make you want to dance around the room without ever really developing a proper beat, you really do need to acquire the album. A little more introspective than the single might suggest, 'Infinite Light' is, nevertheless, a truly great LP, providing the sort of soundtrack to the winter months that you just want to wrap yourself up in. Heartwarmingly melancholic.

26. WILD BEASTS: Two Dancers

In their Wikipedia entry, Wild Beasts are described using the genre-tag 'dream pop' and for all that may seem like yet another meaningless buzz term from the oh-so-cool indie Zeitgeist, one listen to 'Two Dancers' reveals exactly why it's the perfect description for the band. The falsettos, the soaring melodies, the fantastical themes... they all unite to produce something utterly captivating. And they come from Kendal. What more could you ask for?

25. CURSIVE: Mama, I'm Swollen

Unsurprisingly from this most maddening of bands, 'Mama, I'm Swollen' is a decidedly difficult album. Although it eschews some of the more sprawling excesses of elements of their previous work, feeling far more taut and concise at a distinctly compact forty minutes, the record remains a bleak, torrid affair, wracked with doubt and plagued by insecurity. It isn't exactly welcoming, but therein lies its genius. Like certain other albums of the year that we won't mention just yet, 'Mama, I'm Swollen''s oppressive nature makes it a far richer listening experience. Trust us - you won't be able to stop yourself returning again and again and again.

24. METRIC: Fantasies

Another year, another wonderful Metric record. As with 2005's 'Live It Out', 'Fantasies' is an expert synthesis of new wave indie stylings and sinister, warped lyricism. There are deliciously dark singles galore here: from the despondent rallying cry of 'Help, I'm Alive' to the wickedly observational 'Sick Muse', the choruses are huge, the vocals delicious and the rhythms, well, put it this way: if you aren't at the very least shuffling your feet after two songs, you're probably dead inside.

23. STELLASTARR*: Civilised

Their self-titled debut remains the greatest thing they've ever done, but with 'Civilised', Stellastarr* come excrutiatingly close to at the very least matching its sumptuous charms. Shawn Christensen's vocals have upped an octave or twenty, Michael Jurin's guitars are once again messy and reckless, and the album glistens with the spine-tingling urgency of a million 'Pulp Song's or 'Jenny's. 'Robot' is a delicious wall of amped-up noise, 'Graffiti Eyes' a wonderfully angular beast with delicious harmonies, 'Move On' comes on like the finest Stone Roses song that John Squire never wrote... the list is endless and just makes for further proof that Stellastarr*'s lack of populist success is one of the most unforgivable wrongs of the decade.

22. GREEN DAY: 21st Century Breakdown

Rather than shouting “sell outs!” and berating the supposed loss of their ‘punk roots’, we should be commending Green Day for refusing to stick to their guns. Yes, ‘21st Century Breakdown’ borrows from ‘American Idiot’ but hell, it borrows from many of their other albums too, with a whiff of ‘Misery’ here and a dash of ‘When I Come Around’ there. The band can’t escape their past, and they shouldn’t try to; instead, they should embrace it and see where it takes them now, as thirtysomethings who have come a long way from writing songs about masturbation. To expect another ‘Dookie’ or ‘Insomniac’ is naïve and pointless; what we have instead is the sound of a band willing to push the boat out, to be playful and experimental, while still retaining the essence of what makes them great. This is a daft, over-the-top, camp-as-fuck, practically insane piece of pop, rock and punk indulgence that worms its way into your skull and sets up home, refusing to leave until you acknowledge its brilliance. At times, yes, there are missteps but, on the whole, ‘21st Century Breakdown’ is a valiant effort. Unashamedly entryist, fabulously adolescent and thrilling as fuck.'

21. PISSED JEANS: King of Jeans

As far as monumentally pissed off bands go, Pissed Jeans are probably second only to Cardiff's perpetually infuriated Future of the Left. 'King of Jeans' is mad as hell and it isn't afraid to let you know it. From the off, guitars are beaten to shit, vocals growled through gritted teeth and ear-splitting feedback is allowed to tear its way through your speakers, destroying both your eardrums and your mental faculties in the process. Awesome then, in other words.

Top 50 Albums of 2009, part two (40-31)

40. MUSE: The Resistance

Bigger, bolder, brasher and more ludicrously bombastic than ever before, Muse soundtrack their prophesised apocalypse with tunes the size of mountains. Let's just forget about 'Undisclosed Desires', shall we?

39. NOAH AND THE WHALE: The First Days of Spring

Something of a harrowing listen, 'The First Days of Spring' lays bare the pain and heartache of a particularly messy break-up. Frighteningly, sumptuously real.

38. THE TEMPER TRAP: Conditions

That song. Those vocal chords. These bloody talented Aussies. The Temper Trap's debut album is awash with the kind of lusciously bittersweet indie noise that made The Smiths and R.E.M. the greatest bands in the world in the 80s. For all 'Sweet Disposition' is phenomenal, 'Conditions' is so much more than the one big hit.

37. DANCE GAVIN DANCE: Happiness

In a scene bursting at the seams with knuckle-dragging hardXXXXXcore wannabes, swapping melodies for half-arsed screams faster than you can windmill (the kids love it, don't you know?), it's refreshing to see a band who actually care about the genre and give it the time, patience and effort it deserves. 'Happiness' is a rich, playful album that both intrigues and rocks like an absolute bastard.

36. NOFX: Coaster

The millionth album from Fat Mike and his band of merry imbiciles in the last ten or so years, 'Coaster' proves that the age old adage, 'if it ain't broke...', still rings true. Socio-political indignance and humorous personal experience go hand in hand here, as ever, and it works wonders. Altogether now, 'blaspher-meeeeeeeeee! Blaspher-youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!'

35. SONIC YOUTH: The Eternal

To quote Clash, 'the album shows signs of life and heart-wrenching vitality that secures its makers’ position at the forefront of American rock music.' Couldn't put it any better myself. The fact that Sonic Youth are still making records as thrilling as this after nearly thirty years certainly demonstrates the depth of their talent.

34. THRICE: Beggars

A highly engaging and inventive record that grabs you by the scruff of the neck and simply refuses to let go... just like 'The Alchemy Index' and 'Vheissu' before it. Thrice may want to break free of the 'shackles' of their previous records, but on the evidence of this, let's hope they never do.

33. GRAMMATICS: Grammatics

Despite leaving off their best track, the gorgeous 'New Franchise', Britain's newest arty weirdos still deliver a corker of a debut with this self-titled, highly self-assured effort. And that voice, man... it's sodding heavenly.

32. CONOR OBERST AND THE MYSTIC VALLEY BAND: Outer South

Once again, Oberst proves that his skill with both the pen and the acoustic is virtually unmatched. Even better, The Mystic Valley Band manage to considerably develop their own sound without overshadowing the star of the show. Probably the best alt-folk-country record of the year.

31. THE DECEMBERISTS: The Hazards of Love

Where other bands write about hanging out down the local with your mates, The Decemberists make concept albums about women named Margaret falling in love with shape-shifting borael forest dwellers. Thankfully, 'The Hazards of Love' manages to be full of glorious pop songs as well as madcap stories, so their excesses seem inviting rather than irritating.

Top 50 Albums of 2009, part one (50-41)

Welcome, dear reader, to the Screenaged Kicks 'Top 50 Albums of 2009'. I will be posting this over the course of the next week in five separate instalments of ten records each. Today, I present you with positions 50 to 41. Check 'em out!

50. THE APPLESEED CAST: Sagarmatha

A wonderfully bizarre record that burrows into your psyche with mischevious abandon. Fascinatingly dense and gloriously sprawling.

49. IN CASE OF FIRE: Align the Planets

Sounding the like the demented love-spawn of Jared Leto and Matt Bellamy, In Case of Fire manage to make a 30 Seconds/Muse cross-over actually sound majestic. Debut album 'Align the Planets' demonstrates exactly how to do epic without lapsing into contrivance.

48. WEEZER: Raditude

It may be far from their best effort, but 'Raditude' still manages to be a bloody infectious record, chocked to the brim with stellar hooks and absolutely ridiculous lyrics. This is the sound of Rivers and co. getting away with murder and loving every minute.

47. THURSDAY: Common Existence

A surprisingly confident record from the post-hardcore noiseniks and one that manages to make potent socio-political comment without ever seeming heavy-handed.

46. TEGAN & SARA: Sainthood

'The pop album of the year' according to the Jimmy Eat World Twitterfeed and it's hard to argue with 'em. Glitzy, melodic, bloody addictive.

45. ALEXISONFIRE: Old Crows/Young Cardinals

Alexisonfire make a concerted effort to dump their screamo side on the sidewalk and the results are mightily impressive. From the heads-down intensity of the opening duo to the scathing aggression of 'Accept Crime', this is an album with something to prove. Thank God it manages it.

44. JAPANDROIDS: Post-Nothing

The Zeitgeist is all over 'em like a bad rash but don't let that put you off. 'Post-Nothing' is a brilliantly messy debut, dominated by fuzzy guitars and distorted vocals. Endearingly ramshackle.

43. DINOSAUR JR.: Farm

Proving that they're as relevant now as ever, 'Farm' is yet another top notch effort from one of the most consistent groups that the American music machine has ever spat at us. Full of cumtastically good riffs and urgent, aggressive guitars.

42. CAMERA OBSCURA: My Maudlin Career

Another album of painfully beautiful melancholia from one of the UK's best kept secrets. If only heartache actually felt this euphoric.

41. THE FLAMING LIPS: Embryonic

'Embryonic' finds The Flaming Lips as stark raving bonkers as ever - this time over two CDs! - and we really wouldn't have them any other way. Utterly absurd and unashamedly self-indulgent but all the more uplifting for it.

Television review: Fringe #210: 'Grey Matters'

210: 'Grey Matters'

Wr: Zack Stentz & Ashley Edward Miller
Dr: Jeannot Szwarc

Synopsis: The Fringe team investigates a mental institution after a patient has brain surgery and begins to show an improvement despite having his brain exposed. Agent Dunham makes a discovery of her own after seeing footage from the surveillance tapes.

Review: It's a pity that Fringe feels the need to reserve its best episodes for the weeks before it embarks on a lengthy break; while it's a fairly sensible marketing decision, making doubly sure that your audience will return in their droves for the start of the next run, it does mean that instalments like this are far, far too few and far between. Stentz and Miller's 'Grey Matters' is a fine example of just how wonderful a show this can be, beguiling, thrilling and fascinating in equal measure. This is one almighty beast of a narrative, grabbing the arc plot by the scruff of its pesky little neck and beating it to a bloody pulp, forcing out a plethora of answers that hint at gargantuan things to come, while also doing the nigh-on impossible and tying in the show's interpersonal relationships without ever seeming contrived.

So we have a thoroughly mesmerising central concept in the apparent healing of a select number of mental health patients, and thankfully, there isn't a flimsy, surface level explanation as to the nature of events. Instead, the plot twists and turns, leading the viewer down a number of dead ends before finally revealing the truth. And boy, what a reveal, eh? The idea that Walter's memory loss was a constructed occurrence is just fantastic, precisely because it's utterly logical. How could this genius simply forget all about some of the most important discoveries of his scientific career? The answer, naturally, is that he wouldn't... instead, Bell removes them from his memory for preservation. For the duration of the episode, the viewer could be forgiven for scratching their head somewhat at the idea that this 'doctor with a reattached head' would remove information from Walter's brain, implant it in others and then come back to collect it when originally, all he wanted was the knowledge itself: why, after all, would he not simply ask Bishop or even coerce it out of him? Thankfully though, Stentz and Miller have crossed their Ts and dotted their Is; the final moments snap everything into focus, providing a thoroughly satisfying, and also rather subtle, explanation.

It's also rather commendable that the writers refrain from making any significant alterations to Walter's character. When faced with the idea that his selective amnesia and hence, perhaps, his insanity, is something that can be rectified, it would be all too tempting to 'do the deed', as it were. And yes, for a minute or so, Walter is more lucid than we have ever seen him, and Noble is brilliant with it, but to maintain this state would be to betray both the character himself and, more importantly, the dynamic of the show. Bishop's fragility is one of the backbones of the series as it informs so much else, not the least of which is his relationship with his son. As if the brilliance of this needed any further demonstration, Noble and Jackson's scenes together here are just excellent, loaded with love and regret, and they're distinctly moving. To dramatically change Walter's personality would have been to disturb this rapport and frankly, that's the last thing that Fringe needs right now. Thank The Almighty JJ Abrams then, that the writing staff choose another avenue entirely, and for all it may result in a rather predictable get away for the show's newest Big Bad, I'll take this over the other option any day.

'Grey Matters', like 'Momentum Deferred' before it, sees Fringe upping the ante, forcing its foot down on the accelerator and bombarding the viewer with plot development. Stentz and Miller's script benefits greatly from its obliqueness, never allowing us to gain a great enough understanding of what's going on to be able to predict the outcome, and, even more remarkably, manages to provide a wealth of wonderful character development for the Bishops without ever really pausing for breath. For all the next three episodes will probably be X-Files-lite stand alones, on the strength of this, you just know you'll tune in for 'em. Top notch stuff. 9.3

Television review: Desperate Housewives #610: 'Boom Crunch'

#610: 'Boom Crunch'

Wr: John Pardee & Joey Murphy
Dr: David Grossman

Synopsis: Gabrielle and Lynette's friendship is on the brink of collapse, whereas Bree and Orson come to an agreement about their marriage. Meanwhile, Susan hatches a plan to help an irrational Katherine, and Danny's vital mistake might cost Angie her freedom. In the meantime, Christmas cheer is curtailed when disaster strikes, as a plane crashes down on Wisteria Lane, putting lives in peril.

Review: Oh Desperate Housewives, when will you learn? Going into the Christmas hiatus, Marc Cherry's magnum opus wheels out the gimmicks once again, desperate to shock and surprise us all and to give the nation's millions something decent to chew on for the better part of a month. Only problem is, the events are so transparent, their purpose so Goddamn obvious, that they only serve to infuriate. For about three weeks now, it's been apparent to everyone with a functioning frontal lobe that a plane was due to crash on good ol' Wysteria Lane and, understandably, this was met with considerable trepidation; after all, just how many disastrous events can occur in this supposedly sleepy suburb without there being, say, a bloody Hellmouth underneath it? Clearly buoyed by the success of season three's 'Bang', a fantastic hour of television set almost exclusively in a supermarket as a recurring character holds several of its customers hostage, the writing staff have been trying to recreate the magic every year since. So we've had a tornado that promised to change the lives of the characters 'forever', when actually all it did was give Lynette a minor panic attack and made Carlos blind for less than a season; a 'devastating' fire that 'tore through' a building but, um, didn't do much of anything at all really and now, we have the possibility that a little passenger jet may have done away with one of the show's recurring characters. But actually, all it'll have done is injure said individual (most likely Karl or Orson), thereby serving to keep any significant developments in their storyline at bay until, you know, the end of the season when things can 'come to a head.' Sigh.

Okay, perhaps cynicism is getting the better of me. Maybe the Housewives writers will actually take the road less travelled this time. Perhaps they'll make a brave decision and do something that, you know, genuinely surprises us... but 'Boom Crunch' hasn't exactly filled me with confidence. Pardee and Murphy's script is a lazily written piece that falls back on desperately predictable story ideas in order to propel, sorry, slouch its narrative towards some sort of crescendo. The decision to withhold the actual plane crash until the final few minutes is just irritating, not only because we knew it was going to happen before the episode began, but because they then proceed to tease it for the entire forty minutes with some horribly contrived sequences between the piloting couple that descend so far into caricature, it's a surprise they don't just do away with dialogue altogether and hold up signs reading 'PUT UPON HUSBAND' and 'MENOPAUSAL WIFE.' The viewer just wants the carnage to ensue and not to be left for a month or so waiting to find out about the aftermath but, lo and behold, that's exactly what happens, in a sequence of events straight out of Padding 101.

If the housewives' individual storylines were actually engaging, perhaps this wouldn't be such a problem. Alas, we can but dream. Katherine's downward spiral reaches all new lows here as she descends into madness, wittering on to Susan and Dylan about, respectively, how Mike shot her and how he's her husband, and Dana Delaney does her level best with what she's given, trying desperately not to let the storyline descend into parody, but sadly, there's only so much dignity you can preserve when you're asked to run around a hospital in your nightgown and start crying and shrieking at a bunch of nurses. The frustrating thing about all of this is that the concept itself isn't all that terrible; hell, in the hands of better writers, it could be poignant and moving. Unfortunately, the Housewives staff have wrapped it up in so much abhorrent circumstance - not the least of which is the very fact that Mike would callously dump the woman he professed to love, and was set to marry, in order to reunite with his ex, and then she, and we, as an audience, are supposed to be okay with it - that it's difficult to derive even the tiniest morsel of enjoyment from it. Yes, we feel sympathy, maybe pity, for Katherine here, but when you take into account the bastardisation of her character that has occurred for the past ten weeks, it really is far too little, far too late.

While the rift between Lynette and Gaby actually looked promising last week, its unwarranted absurdity just irritates here. The scene in which they bicker during the carol singing isn't funny, it's just petty, and as such, you'd be forgiven for just wishing that the bloody aircraft would land on the pair of them in order to shut 'em up. Bree's narrative fares a little better and it's largely due to the fact that some progression is actually made. Orson's reaction when she blackmails him into divorce is genuinely unexpected and provides a nice reminder of the more lovable elements of his character, although this is negated somewhat by the ludicrousness of the mock fight between he and Karl in the makeshift house. And then, of course, there's the Bolens, whose almost exposition might actually have been rather interesting if hadn't been so bleeding obvious from the moment that Mona first spoke to the couple about their 'secret past' that everything would be oh-so-neatly papered over when the plane came trundling along and sliced the woman in half. Yup, that was on the cards in the first five minutes and it became an absolute dead cert when Danny decided to spill everything to her, which in itself is one of the most unbelievable decisions ever to have been made in the series. "Your mom told me everything..." Oh please! Everybody knows you press the other party for what they do know before you just decide 'okay then, maybe I should just spill my deepest, darkest secrets.' Agh!

Instead of being a rip-roaring lead into the winter break, keeping us all on tenterhooks for Desperate Housewives' return, 'Boom Crunch' is a limp exercise in mind numbing predictability that serves to demonstrate just how fraught with problems the show has become. The episode is hopelessly lazy, falling back on storylines and plot decisions that became tired long, long ago, and as such, the supposedly dramatic central event falls horridly flat, feeling like the desperate gimmick that it really is. There are flashes of decency, yes, but they are sadly few and far between. This isn't good enough guys; if you want your show to survive into next year, you're gonna have to do a hell of a lot better. 5.2

How well do you remember the gloriously shitty dance music of the 1990s?

No cheating mind! Post your answers in the comments...

1. Which of the following WASN'T a hit single for 2 Unlimited?

a) 'Get Ready for This'
b) 'Maximum Overdrive'
c) 'The Real Thing'
d) 'Move Your Body'
e) 'Workaholic'

2. Which of the following reached no. 1 in the UK singles chart?

a) 'Exterminate' by Snap!
b) 'What is Love?' by Haddaway
c) 'Don't Give Me Your Life' by Alex Party
d) 'Last Train to Transcentral' by The KLF
e) 'Encore Une Fois' by Sash!

3. Reel 2 Real often featured which artist on vocals?

a) DJ Miko
b) Bobo
c) MC Solar
d) The Mad Stuntman
e) General Levy

4. Complete the line from the hugely irritating Gala single 'Freed From Desire'. 'My love has got no money...'

a) 'He's got his tumbleweed'
b) 'He's got his strong beliefs'
c) 'He's got his temid beats'
d) 'He's got his cannabis leaves'
e) 'He's got Ancient Greece'

5. The Shamen's keyboardist and MC was known as...

a) Mr. Phorever
b) Mr. Goode
c) Mr. C
d) Mr. D
e) Mr. E

6. 'For so many years I've wondered who you are/How could a person like you bring me joy?/Under the pale moon/Where I see a lot of stars' - lyrics from which Ace of Base song?

a) 'All That She Wants'
b) 'Happy Nation'
c) 'Always Have, Always Will'
d) 'Love is a Flower'
e) 'The Sign'

7. Sub Sub, who had a top ten hit in 1993 with 'Ain't No Love (Ain't No Use)', are now better known as which indie band?

a) Kasabian
b) Elbow
c) Snow Patrol
d) Doves
e) Coldplay

8. Which dance act have toured with the Backstreet Boys, Jocelyn Brown and the Spice Girls?

a) Cappella
b) The Tamperer
c) (MC Sar &) The Real McCoy
d) Strike
e) Grace

9. The video for which song is set entirely in a photo booth, which is visited by, among others, a scantily-clad woman wearing sunglasses and sporting a gigantic, bright blue haircut?

a) 'Push the Feeling On' by The Nightcrawlers
b) 'The Bomb!' by The Bucketheads
c) 'Saturday Night' by Whigfield
d) 'Passion' by Gat Decor
e) 'Stayin' Alive' by N-Trance

10. Which of the following did Clock NOT record a cover of?

a) 'Axel F'
b) 'U Sexy Thing'
c) 'West End Girls'
d) 'Whoomph! (There It Is)'
e) 'Oh What A Night'

11. Which dance act's 1994 album 'Evolver' featured a baby on the sleeve, dressed entirely in white and playing with a synthesiser?

a) Utah Saints
b) The Grid
c) Underworld
d) The Prodigy
e) Orbital

12. Since his house project Happy Clappers disbanded, Martin Knotts has relocated to Newcastle upon Tyne where he is a semi-professional what?

a) Golfer
b) Jazz musician
c) Locksmith
d) Chef
e) Used car salesman

13. Which band recorded 'Football Is Our Religion', the unofficial song for the 2008 UEFA European Football Championship, which includes the wonderful couplet 'Our team, they've got class/Real geniuses on the grass'?

a) Eurogroove
b) Gloworm
c) 2wo Third3
d) JX
e) Rednex

14. The video for which song features the female vocalist singing between six candles?

a) 'Stamp!' by Healey and Amos
b) 'Dreamer' by Livin' Joy
c) 'Let Me Be Your Fantasy' by Baby D
d) 'Set You Free' by N-Trance
e) 'One and One' by Robert Miles/Maria Nayler

15. One of the male members of which group courted controversy in the 90s when it was revealed that he had previously been in a white power band?

a) Ace of Base
b) B.B.E.
c) Wildchild
d) Snap!
e) The Outhere Brothers

16. One of Simon Cowell's creations, which boy band, originally consisting entirely of nine year olds, had hits with 'Casanova', 'Some Girls' and the rather risque 'Hoochie Booty'?

a) Kriss Kross
b) MN8
c) Damage
d) 911
e) Ultimate KAOS

17. Which of the following was NOT a single release by Scatman John?

a) Song of Scatland
b) Scat Paradise
c) Scatmambo
d) The Chickadee Song
e) They are all Scatman John singles

18. 'Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day,
Ay um ba day,
Ba day ba wadladie day,
Ey ey ba day ba wadladie day,
Ay um ba da- ay um ba da-da-da-da wadladie day...'
What's the next word in this inspired slice of lyricism from SL2's 'On A Ragga Tip'?

a) 'Ay!'
b) 'One!'
c) 'Hey!'
d) 'Ham!'
e) 'Structuralism!'

19. Smart-E's had a hit in the early 90s with a rave track that sampled which children's TV show?

a) The Muppets
b) Sesame Street
c) Poddington Peas
d) Bucky O'Hare
e) Fun House

20. Who recorded 'Right in the Night'?

a) Jam and Spoon
b) The Original
c) Mozaic
d) Mory Kante
e) Black Box

Television review: Fringe #209: 'Snakehead'

209: 'Snakehead'

Wr: David Wilcox
Dr: Paul Holahan

Synopsis: The Fringe team investigate bodies with creatures attached to it. Olivia, Peter and Broyles discover that the case is linked to a dangerous organization.

Review: While you may roll your eyes at yet another stand alone episode of Fringe, 'Snakehead's 'curiosity of the week' is actually window dressing to something far more interesting: a bucketload of wonderful development for the show's most lovable character. Walter's quest for independence is undoubtedly the highlight of the hour as John Noble rises to the occasion and puts in a magnificent tour de force, expertly depicting Bishop's frustration, determination and sorrow without ever resorting to cliche. The scene in which he forgets Peter's telephone number in Chinatown is just excellent: his break down on the bench at the bus stop is genuinely moving stuff and more than a little tear-jerking. When he meets a distraught Astrid at hour's end, the feeling is only amplified; Noble's hesitations, his apprehension when confronted with a horrific situation that is of his own making, feel horribly real, just the sort of uncertain awkwardness that often typifies such circumstances. And then there's the narrative's pay off: Walter's decision to implant himself with a tracking device. This is an absolutely genius notion, the perfect flourish to the story, as it's just the sort of ridiculously out there idea that we know Walter would have. It's also worth noting that Joshua Jackson is typically superb as his foil, playing the part with understated reserve but rising to the occasion when he is required to depict Peter's palpable concern.

Amongst all of this, the 'mystery', if you can call it that, sort of fades into the background. It's hardly original stuff - ANOTHER parasite? More things that grow inside people's bodies and ultimately cause them to endure grisly deaths? Yawn! - but at least the minutiae are cut from a different palate. The decision to set the story in the murky underbelly of Chinatown makes for some refreshingly original visuals, and the inclusion of the Triad adds a nice garnish of verisimilitude to proceedings. The gore factor is off the scale too: when Walter pulls the parasite out of the corpse's mouth and neck, you'd be forgiven for leaving the rest of your dinner, and then when the gang member slits his own throat, it'd be no surprise if what you had managed to get down your neck came shooting straight back out again. Awesome.

There is one niggling gripe, however, and that is the manner in which the narrative completely forgets about one of its most crucial components. While the poor separated Chinese family are happily reunited and we're meant to feel distinctly comforted, the same cannot be said for the immune deficiency patients, whose fate is left entirely to the imagination. Thanks to some nice scenes with Josh Jackson, we actually care about Matt, who may well die without the treatment being provided by the Triad, but we never get any clue as to how Fringe Division might go about rectifying this problem. It's hardly his fault that his mother is acquiring the drug through illicit means; surely we could at least have had some acknowledgment of this moral dilemma (this did seem to be what the narrative was setting up)? It seems to slip writer David Wilcox's mind which frankly, is more than a little callous, don't ya think?!

On the whole, 'Snakehead' is a surprisingly solid episode for one that appears so bog standard on paper, but it's primarily the result of some well written character moments and a thankfully brisk paced narrative. While the stand alone element relies heavily on the show's established formula, its predictability fades from significance when faced with so many wonderful scenes involving Walter and Peter. Fringe could do with a great deal more episodes like this. 8.1

Television review: V: 102: 'There Is No Normal Anymore'

102: 'There is No Normal Anymore'

Wr: Scott Peters & Sam Egan
Dr: Yves Simoneau

Synopsis: Anna, the leader of the V's, uses the popular TV anchor Chad Decker to deliver her messages to the Humans but suspicion arises from FBI investigator Erica who believes that the V's have different intentions to what they claim. Erica and Father Jack find themselves being tracked down by a seeker.

Review: V treads water this week, relying on a number of fairly bog-standard narrative tropes to keep the arc plot chugging along rather than soaring ahead. While Scott Wolf continues to be excellent as put-upon anchorman Chad Decker, his attack of journalistic integrity is predictably written: his solution to the problem of Anna's insistent censorship is far too easily orchestrated, conveniently tied up in a neat little bow by episode's end. It would be nice if this was a little less black and white; if things weren't so quickly resolved, as they aren't in that lovely little thing we call real life. It wouldn't hurt to make a few braver decisions guys; in fact, your audience would probably appreciate you more for it. They are trying though - the fact that the Visitors aren't all duplicitous no-gooders with sinister intent is certainly commendable, ensuring that the show avoids becoming trapped in an all-too-simplistic binary opposition. So Vs can have a conscience too, as demonstrated by Morris Chestnut's Ryan Nichols, whose quest to round up those that sympathise less with stone cold Anna and more with, well, humankind is at least somewhat interesting thanks to its penchant for withholding information, for offering oblique references to 'resistance' minutiae but rarely explaining them. Unfortunately, it's also a little lazy; it's obvious from the get go that his contact is going to pull the wool over his eyes... well, how else could the writers drag the storyline out over more than episodes than it's really worth?

Elsewhere, Elizabeth Mitchell and Joel Gretsch continue their joint quest to form some sort of resistance, but the story ends up just running around in circles and not really going anywhere. Sure, there's some noteworthy fallout from last week's revelation about Dale but it ultimately amounts to a list of phone numbers which, frankly, after twenty-five minutes of chin stroking, feels somewhat disappointing. Alan Tudyk's reappearance at hour's end can't salvage it either, since the very fact of the narrative's prominent focus on his character is a massive giveaway that the show isn't done with him. And then there's Tyler's story, which reads like a fourteen year old's attempt at dramatic plot structure: boy likes girl, girl likes boy, girl contrives a situation so that they spend time together, boy and girl flirt, boy tries to impress girl with his prowess, girl is decidedly unimpressed, conflict ensues. Yup, haven't seen that one before. The fact that Tyler will go just that one step too far is a given from the moment we see his Peace Ambassador initiation contrasted with the unruly protesters outside, and it's bloody irritating. As if the whole storyline didn't feel uninteresting enough in concept, now we have to endure the weepy, brooding youngster trying desperately to win back the affections of the girl he met about five minutes ago but already knows he's madly in love with. Yawn. Just get him to take off his clothes please, that'd be far more interesting.

'There is No Normal Anymore' isn't a bad episode as such, it's just rather uninspiring. The arc plot doesn't really go anywhere and the material that we're given fails to disguise the fact that it's just stalling for time. After being treated to a plethora of alien invasion/exposition TV shows and movies in the last decade, we're used to the sort of beats that are on offer here. We need something that genuinely surprises to keep our attention and sadly, at the moment, V seems content to rest squarely on its laurels. 6.7

Television review: Heroes #412: 'The Fifth Stage'

#412: 'The Fifth Stage'

Wr: Tim Kring
Dr: Kevin Dowling

Synopsis: Noah gets some unexpected visitors, while Claire arrives at the carnival as Samuel's plans progress. Elsewhere, Peter confronts Sylar and discovers that extreme measures are necessary to stop him.

Review: Tim Kring eases us into the winter hiatus with a contemplative episode that ponders doing things rather than actually doing them; which, to be frank, is not necessarily a bad thing. There's much to be said for some of the chin-stroking that goes on here, particularly as it provides us with the opportunity to say a decent goodbye to poor Nathan Petrelli, a character who has been thoroughly bastardised over the course of the show's four seasons, flipping allegiances faster than, well, a very fast thing and constantly becoming mired in a shedload of underwhelming narrative developments. When Sylar murdered the poor bastard at the end of season three, while the end result was more than welcome (even if they took it all back seconds later), its suddenness rankled somewhat. We'd spent a good three years with the guy, growing fond of his admittedly rather screwed up relationship with his brother and even coming to love his apparent inability to reconcile his possession of extraordinary abilities with his inherent lust for power and recognition. Put simply, we cared about him and to see him done away in a such an off-hand manner was a little disconcerting.

Now, however, we've had the chance to watch his culmination in slow motion. It's been on the cards since the first episode of the volume, and with 'The Fifth Stage' we've reached the logical end of a very winding road. Peter gets the chance to say the things that we need him to say, and the pair acknowledge their love for one another, which, for all its cheesiness, is actually rather moving. Ventimiglia thankfully keeps his emotions in check, delivering a relatively composed performance, and Pasdar does an admirable job of conveying Nathan's weariness, his resignation to his fate. It makes for a very compelling sequence, one of the best the show's offered in a long time, so it's a bit of a shame that it's marred somewhat by the horrible slow motion shot of Nathan falling from the top of the Deveaux building. Without the effects budget that they've had in previous years, this fails spectacularly, on so many levels, and really should have been left to the imagination. Oh sure, they wanted to get across the fact that Sylar is still alive, and it was a neat idea (just not execution), but surely this could have been achieved another way? It just looks tacky and really detracts from the emotional impact of the moment.

Elsewhere, Kring delves into the inner workings of the Carnival, which certainly is good to see. The physical space has become a character of its own over the course of the season, and the insights we get into the day to day routine of the face that the 'specials' put on for the general public are intriguing. Claire's journey is actually rather interesting, breathing new life into her character and opening up a number of possibilities for the future. Perhaps we'll finally be rid of the girl who 'just wants so desperately to be normal'?! Naturally, Robert Knepper makes all of this ten times more engaging by his mere presence (despite his shockingly bad attempt at an Irish accent), and there are some fascinating suggestions regarding the future of his 'enterprise'. It's somewhat unnerving, but also fascinating, to see the character revert to the innocent, almost subservient and apparently wise, persona that he'd adopted in the earlier hours of the season, especially after a few episodes in which his darker side is suggested so prominently. And how about the 'multiplier', eh? Granted, this has its ropey production moments - usually when there's several of the guy on screen - but the concept is strong enough to avoid any major problems. The only other storyline on offer is Bennet's continual dalliance with Lauren which isn't particularly exciting in itself, but at least it's tied up with the arc plot and is kept in its appropriate place as the C-storyline.

As is the norm for Heroes these days, 'The Fifth Stage' isn't anything exceptional but it does maintain the satisfactory marriage of character development and arc plot progression that we've been treated to in weeks past, and offers a number of well written, memorable scenes that will have a considerable impact on hours to come. Going into the Christmas break, Kring has proved that there's still life in the old dog yet... but exactly how much remains to be seen. 8.2

Television review: Desperate Housewives #609: 'Would I Think of Suicide?'

#609: 'Would I Think of Suicide?'

Wr: Jason Ganzel
Dr: Ken Whittingham

Synopsis: In the wake of another unexpected attack, Nick decides the time has come for him and his family to move away from Wisteria Lane. In the meantime, Susan and Bree clash over the latter's affair with Karl Mayer, whereas Gabrielle and Lynette clash over the latter's pregnancy. Meanwhile, Katherine's crazy schemes have brought Mike to a point where he can no longer put up with her, and a heated argument between the two of them has shocking results.

Review: At long last, Desperate Housewives appears to be finding its feet again. 'Would I Think of Suicide?' is undoubtedly the best offering we've had so far this season and it's all down to the reduction in the number of contrived storylines being thrown our way. Granted, there are still some questionable moments, but on the whole, this feels infinitely more believable than gumf like 'The Coffee Cup.' Perhaps it's the amping up of this year's suitably intriguing arc plot, which runs a couple of miles forward thanks to the murder of the poor waitress, leading to a refreshingly off-hand revelation (in the background, no less!) about Nick and Angie's storied past and a lovely scene between the two when Danny attempts suicide (no no no, we can't have this hot piece of ass off our screens!); or perhaps it's the well overdue exposition of Bree's illicit affair with Karl, which is milked for all it's worth by having Susan be the one that spots them in the act. There are some considerably amusing exchanges between the two friends, perfectly pitched by Hatcher and Cross, and for all the mock fight sequence is a little silly, it's a small component of a rich whole that contains much that is very, very welcome, particularly Susan's acceptance of their relationship, which is probably the most mature thing the character's done in about three years.

There's also Lynette's difficulties at work which, while containing some less than savoury elements (of course Carlos and Gaby would wait until morning to offer their forgiveness to Lynette; naturally, Lynette would run to her lawyers straight away and they'd be round the next day... ack!), work well thanks to the comedic - and dramatic - talents of everyone involved. Felicity Huffman rides a roller coaster of emotion here, while Ricardo Chavira does a surprisingly impressive job of portraying an aggrieved Carlos, a role that could so easily turn into a one-dimensional soap villain in lesser hands. Both families benefit greatly from a mutually inclusive narrative, especially the Solises, whom the crew often seem to have great difficulty writing for. And it's certainly good to see the whole debacle having significant consequences; a quick fix would have been an incredibly easy and convenient story device but instead, it looks like Lynette is actually gainfully unemployed once more.

The only real disappointment here is the continued bastardisation of Katherine Mayfair's character, whose attempted suicide is hopelessly contrived. The idea that she would mouth off to a young child about how duplicitous his mother is is ludicrous enough, but Mike's confrontation with her takes the biscuit, cake and pecan pie. Right, so this clearly disturbed woman turns a knife on herself and asks her former lover to end it all (which is cringe worthy enough, and a complete betrayal of her character) and what does he do? Instead of appearing concerned, or perhaps acknowledging the considerable part he has had to play in getting her to this point (he led her on for months and months, 'thinking of Susan all the time'? What an asshole!), he hurts her even more with indifference. And then she sticks the knife in herself. Desperate cry for attention? Oh sure... but more on the part of the writers than the character, who are clearly clamouring for their place at the water cooler, thinking up of the most 'controversial' and 'shocking' developments that they can without really giving a toss about whether they make any sense. And next week's pre-Christmas 'finale' looks set to continue the trend...

While the painstaking destruction of Katherine's character is frustrating as hell, 'Would I Think of Suicide?' remains a good episode, buoyed by a series of refreshingly fast paced, humorous and interesting narratives for the central characters that are largely bereft of contrivance. Here's hoping 'Boom Crunch' can defy the insurmountable odds and repeat its success. 8.2