The week in bullshit music news. And music.

In the most odious item of music news to come spewing from the bowels of the industry this week, it was revealed that Peter Andre has been named the 'hardest working artist of 2010' in the PRS For Music poll, whose criteria have to be the most ludicrous ever invented. It's based on the number of arena gigs that bands and artists play in a single year. So you know, someone like Frank Turner, who's on the road VIRTUALLY EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR, while recording new material, dueting with other artists, appearing in Dive Dive videos, blogging and reinventing the wheel, wouldn't even get a look in. Play 120 arena gigs though and wham, you're worthy of an accolade. Bull and shit.

Let's have a look at few videos/songs that caught our attention this week, shall we?

JESSIE J



She's the BBC's 'Choice for 2011' and the latest 'sensation set to rock the music world' (thanks, Vevo). Here she is getting her autotuned-lesbo on in the garishly awful 'Do It Like A Dude'. The feminist in me really wants to like this too... but I just can't. Sorry.

BROTHER



It's not Britpop, apparently. It's Gritpop. It's fucking shite, is what it is. Plodding dad-rock/indie bollocks with the obligatory Union Jack backdrops for added cuntishness. They want to be 'the biggest band in the world'. They'll be fish and chip shop staff by September.


BEADY EYE



'You didn't know what to saaaaaay/It all came at you todaaaay/Can't get out your own waaaaaaay.' More inspired lyricism from the man behind 'Little James' on Beady Eye's 'first single proper' (what does that even mean? Why are we being force-fed false starts, lads? Were 'Bring The Light' and that other one not deemed good enough? Actually yeah, that's probably about right...) Sounding not too unlike around 46 Oasis songs you could name off the top of your head ('Lyla' certainly springs to mind), 'The Roller' is, well... a big ol' steaming pile of meh. Bland doesn't even begin to describe this plodder. Come on Noel, get crackin' with that solo record...

In other hugely exciting news, John Lydon has confirmed that he may potentially sorta kinda possibly be gonna think about recording new material with the Sex Pistols. Let's hope the new record is as anti-establishment and revolutionary as those butter adverts. However good the geriatric reunion record might be, it will obviously pale into insignificance, however, when placed next to THE RELEASE OF THE YEAR, coming to a record store near you on January 31st. That's right folks, I'm talking about the long-awaited release of Good Charlotte's Greatest Hits, a record so bereft of redeeming features that not even brokENCYDE would admit to owning a copy. Probably.

Evanescence have revealed that they are going to change the shape of the music industry as we know it with their new album. Is there a human being alive that believes this shit?

A Cheeky Girl (what, they have names?) was cautioned for supposed shoplifting. I'm sure Sainsbury's were reeling over the potential loss of £8.99 on the 'moisteuriser, salad and large bottle of water' that Ms. Irimia almost walked out with.

Chris Martin has given an intricate, in-depth account of the major themes, concepts and ideas set to astound the world when Coldplay's seven millionth record is unleashed, sorry, released, on a, um, fairly disinterested world in 2011. Martin really gets down to the nitty gritty in this interview, revealing that "[the record]'s supposed to be about life, the good stuff and the bad stuff. Everything." Yeah, bet you didn't see that coming, huh? What a concept!

Travis Barker revealed he's releasing a solo record in February. A solo drumming record. Songs united solely by the fact that he DRUMS ON THEM. Um.

Dani Filth's delightful face has been removed from a poll that attempts to find the photograph that best represents the wonderful county of Suffolk, despite having received 13,000 votes. An official explained that, "While some of the images on the site may have gained a larger proportion of visitors' votes, the panel felt their list of finalists displays the required credentials to act as representative iconic images of Suffolk." Uh huh. So you've jury-rigged the poll so it fits your middle-England tinged view of what best represents Suffolk. Wouldn't want to offend those Mail readers with something like this, eh?

Oh yeah and HMV are closing 60 stores across the UK. Well, actually, 20 of those are Waterstones outlets but no one seems to give a damn about that little fact. Anyhow, Popjustice offer an interesting theory, with supplemental evidence, as to why this may be here.