207: ‘Brothers of Nablus’
Director: Milan Cheylov
Synopsis: The Connors get robbed, which puts them on high alert. Meanwhile, one Terminator gets very close to John, while another Terminator terrorizes Agent Ellison.
Review: Um. Is that it? Really? After a ludicrously pant-wetting teaser in which Ellison is confronted by a Triple 8 version of himself, who is then slaughtered by Cromartie, ‘Brothers of Nablus’ proceeds to do absolutely diddly squat in its remaining forty one minutes. The primary drive of the narrative is about the Connors being burgled, for Christ’s sake. They spend the entire episode running around after a bunch of snot-nosed thieves and no one actually gives a damn. There’s this whole other little story thing going on too, in which Cromartie hunts for John and almost, you know, kills him, but it’s so bogged down in psuedo-psychological character examination and nefarious navel gazing that it loses all of its potential drama and significance. Painfully underwhelming. 4.1
208: ‘Mr. Ferguson is Ill Today’
Writer: Daniel T. Thomsen
Director: Michael Nankin
Synopsis: John and Riley face some fatal aftermath on their trip to Mexico. Sarah and Ellison finally meet up.
Review: Taking a leaf out of Pulp Fiction’s book, ‘Mr. Ferguson is Ill Today’ plays some satisfying mind games with the viewer by structuring its narrative around the perspectives of the individual characters involved, rather than simply presenting events in a conventionally linear fashion. This perhaps gives the episode a memorably distinctive sheen that it otherwise wouldn’t have had – the plot is ultimately wafer thin – but given the depressingly lethargic slump into which The Sarah Connor Chronicles appears to have driven itself recently, it’s refreshing to see the production staff actually, you know, giving a damn. There are thrills, spills and automobiles to be found here, as the action quotient is cranked up about seventy thousand notches with Cromartie’s ceaseless pursuit of John and, for once, the whole thing actually feels somewhat suspenseful. Hell, it actually had me on the edge of my seat at the end there. Good stuff, nay, better stuff. This is what the show can, and should, be. 8.7
209: ‘Complications’
Writers: Ian Goldberg & John Wirth
Director: Steven DePaul
Synopsis: Sarah experiences de ja vu when she has disturbing nightmares, meaning trouble for Sarah and John. Derek and Jesse look into a Skynet collaborator.
Review: Now this is how to do a character piece. Goldberg and Wirth’s ‘Complications’ takes a fairly simple premise and hits a home run right out of the park, largely thanks to a combination of solid, gritty dialogue, masterful dramatic pacing and, well, the ceaseless talents of Adam Busch. Oh, how I loved him in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and… oh, sorry, where was I again? Ah yes, Derek and Jesse’s story actually manages to be considerably interesting for once. In fact (pigs must be flying), it’s the highlight of the whole episode, keeping the viewer guessing throughout, uncertain as to where to position our sympathies and allegiances. The twist is also far less telegraphed than normal and comes as a genuine surprise, albeit one that’s less likely to have you falling off your chair and more likely to have you let out a brief “oh!” It’s a shame that Sarah’s story can’t be anywhere near as interesting; another trip to the psychiatrist and a few dodgy (but supposedly ‘revealing’) dream sequences take us on a round trip to nowhere, proving that, once again, the show’s producers would rather chase their own tails haphazardly and contemplate the meaning of human existence than actually, you know, move the plot forward a bit. Still, at least it’s the B storyline. 8.3
210: ‘Strange Things Happen at the One Two Point’
Writers: Ashley Edward Miller & Zack Stentz
Director: Scott Peters
Synopsis: Sarah catches up with the Turk. Jesse faces some problems in her plans. Ellison has a surprise meeting with someone powerful through Weaver.
Review: It looked, for a moment there, like Terminator might actually have jump-started Sarah’s story again after a lacklustre couple of weeks of being kidnapped and having funny dreams about dots. She managed to spend a good thirty minutes of this episode getting down to duplicitous, detective-like business and, yay of yays, beating people to a bloody pulp but, ultimately, for what? It was all a bleeding con and she’s right back where she started… looking at ink splodges and wondering what to do with herself. It’s especially frustrating for the viewer, who has to endure week after week of this diabolically slow-moving crap, just desperately waiting for something, anything, to be thrown their way in the form of plot development. To be fair, that’s exactly what we get with the B and C stories, admittedly: the staunch curveball of Riley as an impostor is especially pleasing, and the transformation of Weaver’s AI into Cromartie shows distinct promise for the future. But how far down the line will it be before either of these actually progress anywhere? Become, you know, significant? Two weeks before the bloody season finale, I’d wager. Another frustrating exercise in water treading, then… but at least it’s got the best episode title ever conceived. 7.6
211: ‘Self-Made Man’
Writer: Toni Graphia
Director: Holly Dale
Synopsis: A Terminator sent to the wrong time causes catastrophic results changing history (hah! That’s generous!)
Review: What? Hold on a second. Eh? Rewind that back to the start for me would ya… I’m not sure I quite believe what I’ve just sat through. Thirty minutes of Cameron talking to a bone cancer victim about suspected terminators, suicide and donuts? Fifteen minutes of John and Riley being teenagers and, like, making out and stuff? Really? Is that ALL ‘Self-Made Man’ gave us? Are you sure? I just don’t want to believe it. After all the interesting developments in the over-arching plot that occurred in last week’s episode, you’d at least expect some form of pay off somewhere. Guess again. Nada. Zero. Zilch. Toni Graphia’s episode actually manages to have absolutely no relevance to anything that’s happened in the past few weeks AT ALL, and also does nothing to advance any other existing plot in any way, shape or form (oh come on… we all knew John and Riley were doing the naughty). That’s no mean feat, guys. Complete and utter irrelevance is difficult to achieve. Oh sure, this is all nicely executed; the cinematography and attention to detail in the construction of the mock-newsreel footage, radio broadcasts and all the other mediums that Cameron and her disabled friend use to piece together Stark’s life is impeccable and looks fantastic… but did it not just bore the shitting pants off you? The viewer solves the ‘mystery’ that the pair work through in about ten seconds flat at the start of the episode, so we spend the remainder twiddling our thumbs, waiting for, like, the relevance to kick in. Which it never does. Ever. And no, I don’t care about Cameron’s emotional development. She’s a freaking robot. And I care even less about John and Riley. As the oh-so-wise Bis once said, ‘give me action and drama and less of this inane, pointless drivel’. Okay, so they only said the first bit but I bet that’s what they would say if they were sat down with this episode. Honest. 5.0
212: ‘Alpine Fields’
Writer: John Enbom
Directors: Charles Beeson & Bryan Spicer
Synopsis: Sarah and Cameron attempt to save a family whose fate links in with Derek in the future. Jesse fights for her life.
Review: The show still pointedly refuses to address those big revelations that it smacked us upside the head with in ‘Strange Things Happen at the One Two Point’ (Riley’s from the future! The AI’s inside Cromartie! Sarah… likes the three dots a bit too much!) and Thomas Dekker isn’t even in this episode, which sets the ‘hot young totty’ quotient at absolute zero, but despite these major, major drawbacks, ‘Alpine Fields’ actually manages to be quite good. Enbom’s script is a lovingly crafted piece that carefully flits between past, present and future without ever seeming pretentious or becoming confusing. The triple threat thrust of the narrative – which Field is the 888 after? vs. will the mother survive and give birth? vs. how will future Derek and Jesse survive? – gives the episode considerable weight and, you know, actually makes things interesting for a change. Definitely one of this season’s stronger moments. 8.5
213: ‘Earthlings Welcome Here’
Writer: Natalie Chaidez
Director: Felix Enriquez Alcala
Synopsis: Sarah's continued obsession with the three dots leads her to a blogger with intimate knowledge of the symbol. Meanwhile, Riley and Cameron face off.
Review: Okay guys, big mid-season finale here. Terminator’s gonna be off the air until the middle of February right, so we need to keep viewers literally wetting themselves with anticipation for its return… we’re gonna need a huge episode with a massive cliffhanger… what can we possibly have happen? Natalie Chaidez pipes up, “Oh I know, Sarah whines about the three dots, goes to a UFO convention, meets a male-to-female post-op transsexual, talks, talks, nearly gets shot, talks a bit more, makes a cup of camomile tea, then ends up at a shadowy ‘military facility’ where she ends the episode staring up at three dots in the sky. Oh, and Riley tries to off herself.” Well, how utterly fantastic does that sound, guys? I mean really… what an episode! I think I might be about to overload on sarcasm! Jesus, what were the production staff thinking? Aside from the occasional gleefully bitchy exchange between Cameron and Riley, and a bit of quality acting from the guy that plays Ellison as he tries to teach the AI about God (euck! More religious mumbo jumbo!), this was something of a car wreck that went nowhere, said nothing and succeeded in being unnecessarily bizarre at the same time. We were all expecting some sort of action-packed narrative-progressing bonanza before the break and instead we got a load of boring gumf about UFOs. Well, UFOs being military craft used making technology from the future. But the pace is so snail-like and the story so bogged down in self-examination and, excuse me while I vomit, attempted ‘poignancy’ that any excitement that may have been generated from this is completely and utterly lost. Another example of The Sarah Connor Chronicles trying far too hard to be something that it’s not and failing miserably; if the show carries on like this for the remainder of its second season, yo-yoing between fairly good and dismally bad every other week and flatly refusing to move any narrative strands forward at all, it won’t make it past the Spring. 4.7
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